So here I am..

So here i am, a new year, new friends and another blank canvas in the form of a text box in which to post my first blog for 2008.. I'm just not sure of anything at the moment right now.. I don't think i can blame it on lack of sleep and over thinking this time.. Maybe i can just blame it on me being a dreamer, who gets attached to near impossible people, to have and call my own.

I don't think i can be certain about anything right now, that is besides the fact i know im not certain about anything right now.. Everything that seems to be blossoming into something special, seems to do a 360 on me and i end up a little emotionally battered and bruised by it.. Everyone seems to be getting into this whole lets have serious relationships business, which is totally fine.. But it just makes me wonder where i fit sometimes.. Am i to spend the best of my years watching other people fall in and out of love and never experience it myself?

I was considering a new years resolution to be 'get in a serious relationship this year..' but is it truly what i want? i just don't know.. It would be great to have someone to care about you, and give you that feeling of security.. but i have seen what it does to people when all falls to shit.. I'm a mess over people i have barely known but had a gut feeling that it seemed so right.. If i was to become dependant on someone, then them leave my life i can only assume its going to hurt ten fold..

I have stayed with Dylan the last couple of days.. his family had taken a camping trip to albany and he has been left to watch his house.. a familiar situation to me a week ago.. I had to look after my Nana's house for 2 weeks while she left to Malaysia.. I feel awful that i have to leave him, but it's only a week i suppose. But when you live on your own everyday seems to drag for an eternity.. And the company is always a welcome change which helps time pass by.. I loved staying with him.. He is just a really good kid.. i don't know how to describe him other than he is one of my bestfriends.. He told me last night when i stayed with him, 'Liam, don't go to Karratha.. Stay here with me..'

How tempting it was to stay with him.. but i couldn't.. I have been booked to see my Dad and brother again on the 14th till the 27th.. I'm not even looking forward to it to be honest.. I love seeing them, i mean their family.. but i have a bad feeling about this time.. There is nothing there for me besides them and alcohol, And i have been drinking way too much lately..

Nothing is going to blossom with that christmas padgent person i met.. It hurts me a little, but maybe it was never meant to be.. It just felt so right though.. But maybe i was just a sucker for their charm and sweet nature.. They probably do the exact same to most the people they meet.. They are tied up in a relationship still anyways.. Maybe i was just some escape while things were a bit down in their relationship.. But i still can't help but think 'What if..'

When people use them words in a situation like this, it is merely building false hope.. But maybe this is what i have been living on the whole time.. Maybe one day i will snap out of this dreamer state, and realize things were never meant to be.. But there we go again.. the 'Maybe'.. Maybe i'm destined to be that little park bench the couples go to sit on when their together, that hears everything thats going on with them.. but when they separate, they come back alone to sit on me once again and silently reflect on what used to be..


'Well baby I've been here before, i seen this room, I've walked this floor' - Jeff Buckley