Long lost blog site...

I admit its been a while.. i was tempted to put the exact day time and date but i can't be bothered going to such an extent.. to much effort, so little initiative..

but hello again.. i said i promise i will blog my birthday.. i didn't.. im sorry to all my non adoring liam fans ahaha.. it was ok though.. me and luke were still fighting, he never came to my birthday gathering.. I was upset i even bubbled at the end of the night when the absolut caught up on me.. but besides that i think it was a really enjoyable night. we played Wii sports and the worst organised drinking game ever.. FUBAR but the rules were almost as incoherent as us competitors playing..

Me and luke made up after the dropjaw gig which was on Oct 8th.. im not usually one to remember such insignificant dates but, oct the 8th was the date i wish i was born on, as 8 is my lucky number.. it was really quite an immature lets be friends again.. It was on MSN after the gig..

'wanna start talking again?' - Me
'Ok..' - Luke

and the rest is history.. it was really quite that simple.. We are still bestmates.. and we picked up where we left off, without the small time arguements and being at eachothers throats however..

A month passed.. doing a time warp to the future now.. And its my big brothers 18th.. hooray!.. I travel up 2 karratha to see him.. there was debate as to if i wanted to go because of recent events.. He said he didn't want Mum coming because she would just get drunk and embaress him.. Usually a teen would say this a joking gesture, and the parents would shrug it off, but he meant this in all seriousness.. I found it a lil self absorbed and really quite rude.. The one things parents wanna be there for is your 1st, 10th, 16th, 21st, 30th, 40th, even 50th birthday and He managed to shun my mother out and make her feel unwelcome..

The party ended up being a success.. i got him a 'Modern day Kama Sutra' book.. It was awkward.. not only going into buy the book.. but when i met his gf for the first time she thanked me for the present.. i only gave it to him the day before.. he doesn't waste anytime that boy.. brings a tear to my eye :P His friends are great though, well most of them.. I met a couple of mandurah buddy look alikes.. but i wasn't willing to give myself away to a karratha girl.. they all seemed to be gagging for it.. and complimenting how hot my dreads were.. im not being stuck up, they truly were.. it was flattering in a way, but i knew a bit better then to hook up over a measely compliment.. Now i do anyway :)

I really love mandurah now.. its great.. Its not small enough to be boring and a shit hole.. but its just the right size to be a tight knit community.. everyone knows everyone or someone who does.. Which has actually came back to slap me in the face.. I keep seeing people i have had one-nighters with, when i'm at work or just going around my daily business.. (I work at Boost Juice now btw.. its in the Mandurah forum, where everyone loves to hang..) I seen one today.. One of my more favourable one night stands.. i would do it again in an instant in all honesty.. I don't regret this one, its just i regretted the morning after... I didn't know what to say to them.. the conversation tank was all dried up.. I offered them a coffee and a lift home.. but besides that and a lil bit of a talk about Myspace, it was one of the most unusual and awkward moments of my life..

They came to boost.. With a friend.. I dont think they have told them our history though.. But I had to do register and serve them.. when it came time to being served, they walked off sumwhere else.. I actually was hoping they would speak to me.. I still think they are a genuinly nice person, i just didn't know how to go acting in the morning.. Was i meant to be cuddly and kiss them? Was i meant to act cool and pretend it never happened? i dunno but i still wish we could remain friends..

We haven't spoken since.. i msg'd them apologizing for such the awkward morning.. but the truth is i think my family knew what happened.. and i just wanted them to leave so they didn't have to get caught up in it all.. Oh well.. you win some you lose most.. seems to be the way..

I'm having people round soon.. i'm not going to promise, but i will tell ya how it went next time.. Ciao..


'This is what you get, when you mess with us' - Radiohead

2 days.. maybe 17 is different..

2 more days until i turn 17.. The 5th of October 1990.. the day i was born.. i really love the way queen used these lyrics in bohemian rhapsody.. 'don't wanna die, sometimes wish i'd never been born at all..' it sounds depressing, but it just sums up the feelings i have at times..

I don't know if i will be friend with them anymore.. after confessing what was, things have gone weird.. I said I'm not avoiding you.. but i really was. I was afraid to talk to them.. i didn't want things to seem like i have moved on and back to the way they were, the normal.. There will always be a part of them in me.. this was just my way of showing it.. I would love to remain friends with them. But i know its going to take a little while to go back to that. I fell in love with them at hello.. i couldn't bare to be a part of their life and watch them move on while i was still trying to get over them.. I'm trying to make contact though.. it's not working, i think i have fucked up..

I have been arguing with Luke a lot lately as well.. I think i ended up choking on my own words from the last blog.. The day after i wrote it, i found out he lied to me.. It was the first time i think i have been visibly upset while sober.. Even my friend Chadwick who only knows the shell to me could tell i wasn't right.. I had to leave after he told me the truth.. I took a walk.. Just the fact that someone i put all my trust into, could do that 2 me really shocked me and kinda pulled me back down to earth.. I think i am living in a fantasy world, where i think true love exists and people are in my life for a reason.. I don't know if this was ever the case.. The only times i think i might have truly been in love have all but fucked my world over and made me feeling lonelier then ever.. and these people that keep entering my life are just in it to get something out of me.. Whether it be a gig, information or my other friends..

Luke and I are ok now.. we still argue a bit but i think its just that stage in a friendship where you feel the need to give them a piece of your mind.. a little insight to how you really view them now that your over the whole new friendship buzz and can start to pick out them flaws you were blinded by before.. I do adore him still.. not in a gay sense.. but in a thank god i actually met this person kind of way.. Sometimes i think i'm the only one who actually feels this way.. he isn't to good at re-assuring though.. I seen him today at a music industry workshop.. We had just had an argument the night before.. i came in thinking 'fuck this is going to be awkward..' but he waved to me straight away and called me over to sit with him. What are best friends for right :)

i will blog how my birthday went.. i promise..


'Whenever im down, I call on you my friend. A helping hand you lend, in my times of need' - Groove Armada..

It's going to hurt me.. but i will get over it..

I confessed to them.. I told them about how i felt.. how the kiss meant a lot more to me then they were led to believe.. i wish i had been honest when they asked me the first time round.. They really do mean the world to me, and i have to give them credit for them to be able to absorb all i was saying to them yet still come out so understanding. I am writing a song about them. I think i had mentioned i had started writing it a post or 2 ago, i haven't been reflecting as much so I'm not too sure about it.

It's titled 'Tiny Dancer'.. i wont go into the meaning.. they know and i know.. the way i want it to be.. i hope one day i can get famous and play in front of a big crowd in Perth.. They will be in the crowd and i will put my heart and soul into the song too truly touch them and let them know just how much they still mean to me.. I won't be able to see them, but i know their there listening, whether their married and with their family, single, taken.. just as long as their there.

Its currently 11:30pm.. My uncle was just around. i let him have his acoustic back, the same acoustic which has made me the guitar player i can say i am today. It was on that acoustic i wrote my very first song.. When i look back on the song i created i realize how much i have grown as a musician and as a person in general. Being able to make lyrics and interpret feelings and situation into song.. it makes me feel alive and poetic.. But the acoustic is rightfully his, yet i still feel a little attachment to it. Just thinking of the countless nights i have spent on it whilst writing blogs or doing 'homework' on the computer gives me a feeling of sadness.

I need to get a grip, its just a guitar.. I am thinking about going to bed now.. I had Luke stay over the night before. We got done for possession of alcohol whilst on our way to the movies.. We got let off with a juvenile warning though.. They said we had a very good attitude about us which helped them in making their judgment. We didn't even drink that night so the morning was seedy free and i felt a bit refreshed. I really do like hanging with Luke, he is like an untold brother to me.. I hope when or if i get into a proper relationship they can be as good to me as Luke is..

For now I'm going to bed.. i wonder what the new week has in store for me.. Last week of school until its all over for me.. I'm scared, yet anxious to see what awaits me.. time will tell..


'Life isn't a destination, it's a journey..' - Teghan George

Delayed i know..

It exactly one month till my 17th birthday. it also been almost a month since my last blog.. and i have plenty to document. I have started getting into the more teeny aspects of teenage life such as hook ups and partying down in Mandurah. People would be jumping for joy, and saying well done, but the truth is if anything it has confused me even more. I dont know what i'm after these days.


I dunno if i like what i am doing, i dont really get as much satisfaction as i thought i would of at first glance. I don't want the emotional attachment that goes with some drunken hookups and i have suceeded in that with all but some.. im going to wait a while before i document these feelings further..

(10days have past.. i am now on the computer after bailing on my friends at some juvenile party)


So now i am drunk i can document my inner thoughts with a little more truth then one would expect from a sober mind. Luke had his 16th birthday party.. i had soo much fun it was incredible. I ended up hooking up with about 6 people in total but now without its consequences.. One was someone my friend liked, i knew he liked them but i gave into to them anyway. i felt horrible, they had lost trust in me and it was the worst feeling ever. The second was a girl who ended up being in the same school and year as my little brother. I honestly thought she was older, i felt really bad in the next days to come as i had realized her age. The third i planned on hooking that night and this is what i am going to elaborate on..

I fell in love with them.. i didn't mean to but it just happened.. I planned on hooking up with them as i had fancied them for a while before the party had happened. They are gorgeous, perfect in every way i can think. Their lips were soft, their face was perfect, their eyes were shining. They took me behind the shed, they thought they were going to vomit. It was definitely not as romantic now that i think of it but i thought it was perfect. They kissed with such feeling i couldn't help but be suckered in to them.

Now for people who have read my posts on here before you will be disappointed to know this was yet another friend, Except this time they were in my reach. I ended up bunking with them the night. I was on the couch, but was rudely awakened with Luke and Alex pinching my face telling me to get back up at 4 and start drinking with them. They let me in their sleeping device and hadn't felt more comfortable in my life. I promised myself not to get attached to them, it was not my intention to fall for them, it had just took a turn for the worst.

Things were weird the next day but were back to normal before i knew it. I went out drinking with them the w/e after. We all ended up staying at lukes, he has become an easy accommodation option as of late. We talked on the couch about that drunken night. It was great that we got some things established, i felt like this person had really put lots of trust and friendship into me, which will go on to reward them later on in life. We were talking about that kiss..

'That kiss didn't mean anything to you did it?...' they said.. it was in the nicest of intentions. They had a hint of worry in their voice as if they were stressing they could of ended up hurting me. I couldn't tell them it meant the world to me. They were honestly the best kiss i have had in my life, i don't regret doing it at all, i just don't like the confusion it is causing me lately. I just replied with a false 'ahaha na don't worry about it' and smiled and continued to carry the conversation.

It has really turned around to bite me in the arse. They have really took a liking to another, and i am hearing about it more and more as time goes on. I haven't moved on, and its hurting me to think it had meant nothing to them when i put my heart and soul into them. The worst part of all is that i am actually getting a little bit jealous over it which is horrible. I don't want to be a jealous person i want to be happy for my friends and be able to celebrate them making relations along side them.

I know whats to come. I will cry my eyes out, suck it up.. and move on.. who's next?



'Don't let him go.. his always on your mind'...

If only we could sleep tonight...

The past week has been a big change for me.. more eventful things have happened to me in this one week then it probably will in the next 3 months time. For once this blog isn't a bleeding heart who has his keyboard equipped and his emotions running wild, this is a blog of change.

I paid $202 to see 'The Cure' last night.. and i would do it all again.. They were amazing. It truly is music that lasts through the ages. Was a good mixture of youth and the elderly.. i would give it a range of about 12 - 65 possibly +65. I was waiting for Shannyn at Gateways so she could meet me and we would trek it to the gig together. Here is how the txt's went.

Shannyn: 'hey liam, just txt us when your about 10minutes away from gateways and we will pick you up :)'

Me: 'wow, ironically enough i was just about to call you and say i was 10mintues away now'

Shannyn: 'well i can't pick you up yet cause my mum is out.. just sit tight and i will be there in ten'

Me: 'Ok no problems i will grab a bite to eat then before the gig'

Shannyn: 'Sounds plan :)'


I went to Red rooster and grabbed a meal for $7 bucks.. was muchly needed, i couldn't of lasted from the small amount of Nutri-grain i had for breakfast. I quickly ate it there and went back to cockburn train station. I sit there on a curb in my nice pants, afraid i was going to get white powder on them. I watched the cars go past, i vaguely knew what car i was looking for.. well i knew it was red. I ended up getting bored waiting. Half an Hour passed with numerous txt's saying 'be there soon'.. When shannyn is sending you txt's like that you know she has more then likely not even left the house :P

I got bored and txt luke. Luke and I have become really good friends as time's gone by. He seriously means the world to me, the kid has a heart of gold and a personality not many others can beat. As my friend Joshwa said," Liam i think you get love and genuinely nice guys mixed up." I agree and this was probably the case with Luke. But never-the-less luke has put up with my bullshit and I have moved on from that stage. Back to my story though..

I txt'd him to keep me occupied and see how he was going. I feel for the kid, he seems to be stuck in Pinjarra alot. There is alot of restraint on when and how he goes out. When i get my license it will be different though. I ended up getting bored and carving our names into the road beneath me with a pebble i found.

'Luke :)' and 'Liam ;)' i also tried doing a whole parking bay in squiggles until a 4WD rolled up.. it was security.. a lady at that. the sad thing was she was more tank then a checkpoint in IRAQ.

Security Lady: 'Having a draw are we?' she said ever so confidently

Me: 'yeah sorry.. i am bored i have been waiting here for hours.. im using a brick piece though so it will come off easy'

Security Lady: 'mmm'

Me: 'and there are no swearwords, if that matters'

Security Lady: 'No problems.. just dont let me see you doing it again ok :)'

Me: 'Ok sorry bout that'

I got sand and put it on the road.. the sand scratches off the carvings when you rub it against it.. i thought i would do the right thing and clean it up. i took a photo on my phone first though.


I had finally got picked up with shannyn and caught up on all the goss.. Her and david, how annoying the people at my old school are, how annoying these new bands are.. it was good. I feel like i have ignored my old friends now that i have been hanging around with Luke so much. I honestly dont want to, but its just the way things are at the moment. We stopped in the city. I was going to look for a gift to get luke for his Birthday, but all the shops were steadily closing. I just managed to get into boost. I have an idea of what to get him anyway.

We get to The Cure.. it was soo fucking cold im suprised i still have my 'appendages' left.. I was told i owuldn't need a jumper as it would be hot when we get inside.. they were right. the lighting was amazing. you could tell alot of effort went into the show. You could hear them doing a sound check a couple of hours before the gig. We were 2 rows from the barrier. You could feel the atmosphere rising. We were standing behind a stuck up UNI whore.. She happened to know everything about everything, like teenagers do i guess.

'I have only seen the Cure 5 times.. Robert Smiths mum remembers me.. i tried hugging him once he wasn't happy.. he has a personality dissorder..'

she kept talking to us like we honestly gave 2 shits. If there was a surge in the crowd i would of taken great pride in knowing she would of been one of the first to die from asphixiation. Thats a horrible thing to say but she gave away everything for us. She knew the setlist better then 'The Cure' did.. I had a moment during 'if only we could sleep tonight..' His vocals were amazing.. the backdrop was filled with psychadelic colours and the lighting was beautiful.. it was one of them moments were you stare in amazment by how great these people really are. I was dissapointed i didn't get to hear 'more then this'. The Uni whore told me they wouldn't play it. She was right about something. I went back to shannyns house after 4 and a half hours of constant standing.. i fell asleep on the 2 seater under a doggy quilt while shannyn was on msn..





'If Only we could sleep tonight' - The Cure

Worst I Have Ever Been...

It's fucked.. thats the simplest way i can describe it..

I went out Tuesday.. Got drunk with old friends from Leeming.. It was great. The drinks were flowing the conversation was excellent and there was drama near the end which sparked even more conversation. That night was the first night i had ever tried Weed in my life as well. I had been drinking Goon and Solo before it. It didn't really effect me that much. I didnt feel any better, i didn't feel any worst. I was just.. I crashed at my friend Sarah's and awaited the long bus trip home.. There was no way i was going to work. I felt fairly ill. I caught my bus home to fall asleep and be woken by my phone ringing. This is somewhat still unfamiliar to me :P

It was luke.. He never usually calls me so i was wondering what was going on. He asked me if i wanted to go out that night and get drunk at Players. I had work that night but was already ill. I didn't wanna say no.. infact i was delighted he wanted to actually hang out.

OK im going to stop.. I cant even talk about this anymore.. It was a fucking good night.. I loved everybit of it.. i remember somebits of the night but the rest is all blank to me. I woke up thursday next to luke as he stayed at mine. I relised i had SWL and totally forgot i had to be at guitar world at 9:30pm. I got soo fucked the night before it wasn't even funny to me. I fucking paniced big time. I could just vaguely remember some parts of the night. It scared me.. I am usually so in control of myself when i drink.. but this night was different i let my tongue loose and held nothing back..

I now remember getting jealous when my m8 hooke dup with someone.. I feel so stupid for it.. I want him to be happy with what he does not look out for me and what i want. Im so selfish like that.. My last 2 days have been filled with SLeeping, crying and trying to talk to them properly.. I dont wanna sound clingy, or as if i'm looking for attention i just wanna know whats going on. I haven't been myself.. I cant even be myself anymore.. Im always looking out and being parnoid with what i do. I am thinking it is a side effect of the Weed i had smoked on tuesday but im not even sure anymore..

Im having people around soon.. I dunno if i want to. It will just end in tears i fucking know it. i will end up sleeping alone while watching the other couples cuddling. I fucking hate the way things are at the moment.. I take everything for granted.. I just wanna go back to what i used to fucking be.. i know this is making no sense to anyone readin this.. i dont want to give away to much.. for everyones sake.. but its alot more fucked then another teenage crying over spilt milk.. i promise

'such imagination seems to help the feeling slide' - Placebo

Going down..

so i hit another downer mood.. just a 2 week lull thing, im sure it will pass. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I dont think i feel like seeing anyone at the moment. If i could just lye in bed and live a lonly existance for the next couple of weeks i would. I think school is the only thing stopping me from 'achieving' this. I had a bath tonight. It makes a good change from the 3 minute showers we have been reduced to. Its not cause we have to have 3 minute ones we just choose to after the parentals viewed a programme on the ABC about water wastage.

I try my best to try and start a somewhat deep conversation with my much loved peers on the internet. seemed to be quite the challenge for some but eventually i found an intellect. We got chatting, made small talk.. but then we got thinking. I asked them 'What is your biggest fear?'...

I dont think anyone goes through life and can say im not afraid of anything. We all have our doubts, we all fear the worst so dont be fooled. The answer i got back was no suprise, i was somewhat hoping they would say it. "Dying alone".. I always thought this fear was a mid-life sort of problem, but now i see different. Noone wants to be alone. Everyone craves affection & we are all softies at heart. I would say my biggest fear is dying alone to. Just the thought of me spending my life searching for a companion and then leaving the world alone scares me.

Maybe this is why i am a bitter being so to speak. I find when my friends get girlfriends or boyfriends I can't help but feel a little left in the dust. I am happy for them finding someone and being able to confide in me about it, but at the same time i just feel like they are slowly being taken away from me. I can't help but feel a little upset at the same time. I dont think its attention seeking, i never want to be like that. Its people who create problems for themselves i despise.

I doubt myself. Everything goes smoothly and then there is just a sudden slump.. The wierd thing is i tend to get into histerics when im feeling low aswell. Something slightly funny strikes me as comdey gold and i am all teary eyed form laughing so hard. Maybe its my way of picking myself back up. I dunno but it seems logical. I start pouring my heart out to my friend on the net. I feel so embaressed when i do it. I always reveal to much and feel i burden other people with problems of my own. It always seems to me that when my friends are up, i'm feeling down and when I'm up their down.

1 day passed from when i started this draft and finished the final copy

My essay went swimmingly. I could barely think, its what late nights blogging do to you i guess. I went through the day half arsed. Its probably the effort teachers at MSC could only expect form the best of students. I read about obesity, prostitution and then fell asleep in the library during lunch. I have Bianca to thank for waking me up before lunch was over.

I seen my friend who i poured my heart out to at the end of the day. Its usually a relief when you walk out of the school but my worries weren't over until i was safely in the car. I didn't wanna make contact today. It would be arkward, i just told this kid my life and go on with my 'normal student at school' persona. I dont wanna wear my life on my sleeves. If people want to know if something is wrong they can puzzle over it, not just look at me and think 'mmm nice lil sad act he has going, lets go tlak as if we care'. There is my inner bitter being. Just a flash but there you go. Now i feel like i have contradicted myself by saying 'I dont wanna wear my life on my sleeves' then i go blogging about it on the world wide web. (thats were the www comes from for dumbasses)

I dont do these blogs as a cry for attention. But i dont really care too much if people read them or not. I feel like i could be helping people by letting them relate to me. I try and be as truthful as possible in my blogs to the point in which i have to edit them because they are getting way to personal. If someone reads this and thinks 'Well atleast i know im not the only one' or can say 'I know what your going through' then i feel like i have brought about some peace of mind which in turn makes me feel a little better. I think it would pretty interesting to see how much i have matured in a few years by reading these aswell..

Well im going to bed.. I have a saturday off. I cant see any significant events happening from the 29th till the new month so this will be my last blog for June..



'If the slipper fits you wear it' - The Dresden Dolls