Sympathy.. a strange thing..

Well another week passes. I still haven't found anyone to hang with in my new school. Quite frankly i couldn't give a fuck anymore. If thats how its going to be then so be it. I want to make some solid mates down in mandurah though. My old ones have seemed to move on. I havent seen them in about 5weeks or so. Barely speak to any of them even on msn. Maybe this is what i need though. Like a little sink or swim situation. I can either cling on to my friends and rely on them and not make new ones or i can relise how much i cant rely on them and go out and make myself a couple.

What a week though. I Have recently been getting into PJ Harvey and Obsessed with a Portishead song. I think my music tastes have mellowed or stranged out a bit more. Its not something i wanna brag about but i dunno whats going on with it lately. I have been working 4 nights of this week at KFC. Full of wankers and fucking shit stirrers. Tonight 3 people cried one being my favourite manager. The tension was incredible at the start. Was totally screwed. One girl missed her parents and cried before her shift. We really needed her though but she was still too upset to come out. Half an hour into when her shift started the manager asked her to come out. The girl on lobby had bitch about the manageress's attitude towards the situation. I was so sick of all this backstabbing bullshit that comes with a workplace. I used to say us guys were worst then the girls, but tonight the girls took the cake. Everything was going wrong tonight. Not enough stock was in. Food orders were taking too long. The employee's were constantly at eachothers throats. The Manageress had had enough. She secluded into her office where she sobbed silently. I didnt wanna say anything, i think crying is good for people sometimes. This was one of those times.

I dont know how people pent up such emotions and just keep going on. I haven't cried for ages. The last time i cried was when i was late for work after a big night. I was severely hung over and was coming down from a massive alcohol fueled couple of nights. It was about 11:15am in the morning and i was still sleeping. My mum storms in and tells me work has rang and im 15minutes late for my shift I didnt even know i had. I had looked at the rosters about 3times before that and seen nothing of me working on that day. My head was pounding, my mouth was dry, My weekend was a shit one of which drinking didn't help. I dragged myself into the shower and let the water run donw my face in a lazy effort to wake up. I could barely stand my legs hurt that much from one of the drunken walks i had the night before. AS the water runs down my back i just can't help but think 'why the fuck am i doing this?' I didnt even know why i bothered to go out drinking that night. I hadn't seen my old friends in a while though and thought it would be a good opportunity to catch up. I got dressed and sat outside with my mum. My face was trippin me. My mum was talking to me, but i couldn't seem to sustain a conversation. I just stared into space. My mum asked me if anything was wrong..

Everything just collapsed at that moment. I held on thinking get over it, suck it up its only been a couple of shit weeks it will get better. My eyes filled with tears and i couldn't even talk. It was like the whole fucking world and everyone but my family was out to get me. I was totally fed up. I had just moved to mandurah. My friends made no efforts to catch up at all them past few weeks. But if you mention drinks they will come. When we had drinks that w.e it was fucked. Fucking girl problems everyone was depressed. I was looking forward to seeing them aswell. My whole bus trip was just excitment and thoguhts as to what could happen tonight. I didnt think my mate would almost break up with his gf and one would get desprately love sick. I just had enough of everyone at that time and work was the last place i wanted to be.

I was shocked thursday night. I work with a girl called 'Chantelle'. She isnt all there. But she isn't retarded or anything. She is just has a condition which makes her more childish. She has such a genuine heart. She will always ask people how their day is going, ask if their ok? She is very clumpsy though but its no biggie. People still bitch about her though. I think she knows it to. She likes to eat aswell though. She honestly doesn't care what anyone else thinks about her. She has no shame. I think its great. She isnt an oil painting to look at though, and she wears heavy make up and puts her hair in one big platt. She is so innocent and unspoiled by society. I admit at times she can be a bit full on, but its all in good nature. She isn't afraid to talk to anyone. People use her alot though. She has these supposed friends who use her for free food in exchange for friendship. Very shallow people. She had just finished a shift and wanted something to eat to take home so i served her. She is very polite to me and says what she wants. She makes small talk with me and the 2 people behind her eating figure she isn't all there. When i look up to give chantelle her change i see the 2 laughing behind her back. I was stunned. These people were 2 grown people one female one male. LIke 25 odd. It hit me like a fucking train. This girl would have to go through hell everyday of her life because of some condition she has. Its irreversable and she has this torment constantly until she dies. Here are us selfish beings thinking we got big problems cause of girlfriends and boyfriends, the way we dress, money and all that bullshit that comes with it. This poor girl has been robbed of a normal life. The reality is that she has trouble fitting in with society, making friends, will find it pretty hard to find someone to love, Yet still wears a smile on her face everyday. Still we get complete fuckheads who torment her for it. I cannot describe the way i felt, it wasn't just shock it was like something died inside. I relised how cruel we are as a whole. We judge people on looks and status and don't even try to deny it. When we look at someone for that split second we either know we are better then them or not even worth their time.

I didn't say anything to the couple eating. Chantelle didn't know they were laughing at her anyways so i thought it was best to leave it. I think they knew what they did was out of order though. My face said it all. I wish chantelle could live a normal life though. She is so pure, full of hope. Maybe her way of life is really what a normal life should be. We are all just caught up in the social heirachy we have created though.




'We're in a rush to nowhere...'