i think im at a time of searching... i dunno what i want though. maybe this whole blog is just me overthinking and analysing my life up to this point.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Tired, and lonesome..
I haven't slept well for almost a week now. Maybe it's getting use to the perth weather and lifestyle again or maybe its something else. I have recently moved houses upon my arrival back into perth. Now i have moved even further from them i consider my friends. I resent moving to madnurah more and more each day. I cant hang out with people like i used to. I dont think people want to hang out with us much, since my move to mandurah. Im using my aunties computer atm. I have no phoneline in the new house, but when its up i get an internet connection in my room for the computer..
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
A few mixed feelings...
Oh how my view has changed...
I was actually subtly shitting myself as i went to visit my Father and Big brother up in Karratha. I hadn't seen them in a while and we hadnt really seen eye to eye for a while. I was expecting lectures and arkward silences in the car coming home from the airport. I thought if i expected the worst, and it turned out being ok, it would still be a worthwhile trip where i can say it was better then i expected. I dunno its hard to explain. But i use this technique alot. I try not to expect too much of things so if they turn out shit im not dissapointed and if they turn out great im ecstatic. it works for me.
Anyways. The plane trip was a crock of shit. The mining company must of cheaped out big time. We sat right at the back (me and my lil brother that is) and got a lovely view of the turbine. We could honestly not see anything else. But it didnt bother me too much. I just soldiered on listening to 'Placebo' and 'The dresden dolls' mainly to get me through the flight. It went alot quicker then i thought it would. It could be that the technique prevailed, maybe other factors of which im not sure of.
I arrived in Karratha. 'Good country' it means in aborigine speech. To my ears it meant a miners town where the only thing to do was go to the pub or get pissed to forget your there. Alot of the times you could do both. So i go through to be greeted by my dad and brother. I had been trying not to shave the week before i came to Karratha. I believe my father said ' I looked like shaggy from Scooby-doo'.. Oh yes he knows how to compliment a kid doesnt he.
After a day of settling in, things were looking up for me. My brother took me to a 'party' to meet a few of his country friends. It was anything but a party. There were 3girls of which none were attractive and about 6 dudes. There was the typical 20year old trying to get into a 16yr old with his respect for women bullshit. I honestly dont mind people having respect for women but i hate the way they over use it to patronise others to make themselfs look better. He was an utter ass. But the night turned out good besides a few details.
The week went past soo fast.. But over the week me and my dad had been building a much needed father son relationship. The thing is i hadn't really had a proper relationship with my dad for about 5 years. I was always seen as the mummies boy out of the three of us. I wasnt as wild as he wanted me to be when i was young. While my big brother would be playing soccer, i would of been picking out dandilions and picking at grass on the pitch, instead of paying attention. Instead of picking up bugs like the others i would of screamed and ran off. I must admit i am definately more of a mummies boy then a daddies prize posession.
After the divorce i had always been alot more shyer around my dad. We had no sort of connection at all. I couldn't talk to him about things i am thinking boys at a young age would talk about to their parents. Probably sex, drinking and what not. The tension for the last 2years had been slowly but surely building up between us. I didnt mind, i was starting to resent the man. I felt he had resent for me aswell cause i always stuck up for mum. It got to the stage where there were constant arguements and heated outbursts over money and all that trivial bullshit that comes along with it.
But this time trip was something different. We actually had respect for one and other and relised our faults. It was good to finally see eye to eye for once. I felt we had started sumthing special this time. Like a relationship which could only get better. But when all was looking good, my visit had came to an end. I wasnt ready to leave. I started liking the country again along with the family and the people that came with it. It reminded me of the good days when all me and my big brother had to worry about was 'what time we should go to the park to play with the other locals'.. The warm nights brought me back to my youth, when it was all so simple. Sometimes i wonder what things would be like if none of this had happened and my parents were still together. Where would i be? and who would i be today?
I was time to depart from the airport. I could barely sleep the night before. I seirously didnt think i was ready to leave. I just needed a little more time to patch things up and make sure things were normal. I could feel myself choking up and my eye's well as i was walking through the metal detector. I was trying to hold back from crying. I hugged my big brother of which i had learned alot fromover the week and hugged my dad. I could feel it hurt him also to see me leaving so soon. I put on my sunglasses and said goodbye. I just wanted to avoid talking at all costs incase i end up bursting out into tears. It was a fragile moment. I was on the plane. Still at the back, and a turbine blovking my view from the outside. I was listening to 'teardrops' by Massive attack as the plane was leaving. Not a good thing. A really beautiful song which could of sumed up my whole experience in karratha. As the plane left the ground i could feel my lip quiver and the tears beginning to flow. I was trying hard to make it as un-suspicious as possible for my lil brother..
I wasn't ready to leave, this wasn't my time to go
I was actually subtly shitting myself as i went to visit my Father and Big brother up in Karratha. I hadn't seen them in a while and we hadnt really seen eye to eye for a while. I was expecting lectures and arkward silences in the car coming home from the airport. I thought if i expected the worst, and it turned out being ok, it would still be a worthwhile trip where i can say it was better then i expected. I dunno its hard to explain. But i use this technique alot. I try not to expect too much of things so if they turn out shit im not dissapointed and if they turn out great im ecstatic. it works for me.
Anyways. The plane trip was a crock of shit. The mining company must of cheaped out big time. We sat right at the back (me and my lil brother that is) and got a lovely view of the turbine. We could honestly not see anything else. But it didnt bother me too much. I just soldiered on listening to 'Placebo' and 'The dresden dolls' mainly to get me through the flight. It went alot quicker then i thought it would. It could be that the technique prevailed, maybe other factors of which im not sure of.
I arrived in Karratha. 'Good country' it means in aborigine speech. To my ears it meant a miners town where the only thing to do was go to the pub or get pissed to forget your there. Alot of the times you could do both. So i go through to be greeted by my dad and brother. I had been trying not to shave the week before i came to Karratha. I believe my father said ' I looked like shaggy from Scooby-doo'.. Oh yes he knows how to compliment a kid doesnt he.
After a day of settling in, things were looking up for me. My brother took me to a 'party' to meet a few of his country friends. It was anything but a party. There were 3girls of which none were attractive and about 6 dudes. There was the typical 20year old trying to get into a 16yr old with his respect for women bullshit. I honestly dont mind people having respect for women but i hate the way they over use it to patronise others to make themselfs look better. He was an utter ass. But the night turned out good besides a few details.
The week went past soo fast.. But over the week me and my dad had been building a much needed father son relationship. The thing is i hadn't really had a proper relationship with my dad for about 5 years. I was always seen as the mummies boy out of the three of us. I wasnt as wild as he wanted me to be when i was young. While my big brother would be playing soccer, i would of been picking out dandilions and picking at grass on the pitch, instead of paying attention. Instead of picking up bugs like the others i would of screamed and ran off. I must admit i am definately more of a mummies boy then a daddies prize posession.
After the divorce i had always been alot more shyer around my dad. We had no sort of connection at all. I couldn't talk to him about things i am thinking boys at a young age would talk about to their parents. Probably sex, drinking and what not. The tension for the last 2years had been slowly but surely building up between us. I didnt mind, i was starting to resent the man. I felt he had resent for me aswell cause i always stuck up for mum. It got to the stage where there were constant arguements and heated outbursts over money and all that trivial bullshit that comes along with it.
But this time trip was something different. We actually had respect for one and other and relised our faults. It was good to finally see eye to eye for once. I felt we had started sumthing special this time. Like a relationship which could only get better. But when all was looking good, my visit had came to an end. I wasnt ready to leave. I started liking the country again along with the family and the people that came with it. It reminded me of the good days when all me and my big brother had to worry about was 'what time we should go to the park to play with the other locals'.. The warm nights brought me back to my youth, when it was all so simple. Sometimes i wonder what things would be like if none of this had happened and my parents were still together. Where would i be? and who would i be today?
I was time to depart from the airport. I could barely sleep the night before. I seirously didnt think i was ready to leave. I just needed a little more time to patch things up and make sure things were normal. I could feel myself choking up and my eye's well as i was walking through the metal detector. I was trying to hold back from crying. I hugged my big brother of which i had learned alot fromover the week and hugged my dad. I could feel it hurt him also to see me leaving so soon. I put on my sunglasses and said goodbye. I just wanted to avoid talking at all costs incase i end up bursting out into tears. It was a fragile moment. I was on the plane. Still at the back, and a turbine blovking my view from the outside. I was listening to 'teardrops' by Massive attack as the plane was leaving. Not a good thing. A really beautiful song which could of sumed up my whole experience in karratha. As the plane left the ground i could feel my lip quiver and the tears beginning to flow. I was trying hard to make it as un-suspicious as possible for my lil brother..
I wasn't ready to leave, this wasn't my time to go
Thursday, January 11, 2007
So the first of possibly many...
hello stranger or possible friend. I have suddenly found a site worth blogging things on. Its quite the accomplishment if you ask me. But im glad to know that someone could be reading this in the fact they might have some interest to know what goes on...
Lately i have started a band. One of which i am hoping to be sucessful in this piece of shit we call a 'local scene'. I found a great bassist/guitarist who has been helping me write and compose pieces of music which i think could really blow an audience away. I thought i was finally on to a drummer after a year of searching but i havent been in touch with him since we first met. Hopefully he will speak again for the best. I like the idea of starting this project though. Im sick of seeing teeny rock bonanza's and wanna be hardkore musicians roaming HQ and all the local venues. Its good to know the members in the project think the same aswell.
Everytime i go to see a local gig its always the same thing. 3,4 or 5 youngsters trying to pose as rockers and making noise. Its like they have found 4chords that go together and wont elaborate on it to make it sound different or half decent. Atlast i have gathered up enough intiative to finally start one of my own and to hopefully show perth how shit our music scene really is. Maybe that is the goal that could crush this project aswell though... I want to prove how lame the scene is but i dont want to go destroying it whilst doing so. Or maybe i can destroy the scene to help build it up again.. who knows?? not me... thats for sure..
Its good to see some original artists coming out of the Perth scene though. Tangled thoughts of leaving, Thomas Ford.. shall i dare say Crysis. I wonder if they think like this, or if they are just people not even thinking about sucess and just enjoying the moment. I wonder if they ever doubt their own musical abilities being musicians and all. I just cant wait to start this project and start making a name for the band.
Lately i have started a band. One of which i am hoping to be sucessful in this piece of shit we call a 'local scene'. I found a great bassist/guitarist who has been helping me write and compose pieces of music which i think could really blow an audience away. I thought i was finally on to a drummer after a year of searching but i havent been in touch with him since we first met. Hopefully he will speak again for the best. I like the idea of starting this project though. Im sick of seeing teeny rock bonanza's and wanna be hardkore musicians roaming HQ and all the local venues. Its good to know the members in the project think the same aswell.
Everytime i go to see a local gig its always the same thing. 3,4 or 5 youngsters trying to pose as rockers and making noise. Its like they have found 4chords that go together and wont elaborate on it to make it sound different or half decent. Atlast i have gathered up enough intiative to finally start one of my own and to hopefully show perth how shit our music scene really is. Maybe that is the goal that could crush this project aswell though... I want to prove how lame the scene is but i dont want to go destroying it whilst doing so. Or maybe i can destroy the scene to help build it up again.. who knows?? not me... thats for sure..
Its good to see some original artists coming out of the Perth scene though. Tangled thoughts of leaving, Thomas Ford.. shall i dare say Crysis. I wonder if they think like this, or if they are just people not even thinking about sucess and just enjoying the moment. I wonder if they ever doubt their own musical abilities being musicians and all. I just cant wait to start this project and start making a name for the band.
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