I had a good day off school today. I had a doctors appointment so it was my excuse out of school. I actually could of handled going to school funnily enough. Im starting to enjoy it. Im making a few friends now so im beggining to settle in heaps better. I also learned a song for some guy in my music class so i wanted to show it off to him. 'Ride the wings of pestilence' - From first to last, to be exact. pretty good song, i suggest people listen to it.
So im at the doctors.. its not until you visit the doctors that you relise how dense the population of over 55's is. When i got my blood test done there were about 8 oldies waiting in there with me before the clinic opened. Their conversations were soo boring. Talking about what their past careers where and all that jazz. I just wanted to get out as soon as possible. Anyway so i get called in to get the result form the blood tests.. turns out my liver is a tad dodgy.. I dont think its a major deal, its not like im abbusing it and pumping it with alcohol (for now) so it should be alright.
Well its true.. some people never change.. Today i am told my brother and father are coming down from Karratha. A 'pleasant' suprise. But its not to visit their families.. its not to visit his 2 sons which he barely see's or speaks to, its to go to the blues and roots festival..
I found it completely selfish, and a really fucking rude thing to do. The least he could do is offer to take us aswell. I think he was planning on not telling us. He expects me to come up and see him this easter aswell. He can totally throw that fucking idea out the window. I did my best for him, i got him his stubby holder he asked for from the big day out the least he could do is appreciate my lengths to please him that little bit. I wish my dad would change sometimes. He is always trying to act like the friend. I dont want another friend i wanna dad. I wish he could just think a bit more logically and a lil less self centred. I thought the man had changed since the last time i seen him.. Somethings never change..
I sent my dad text in spite from him not inviting us to come along or even telling me about it. This isnt the first time he has done sumthing like this. He used to come down form karratha to play golf in perth and not even visit us.. prick.. anyway the txt said 'thanx for the invitation'.. he tried calling us but my phone wa son silent so i didn't hear it. He left a voicemail.. but i couldn't be fucked checking it.. Im hoping he doesnt come visit me now.. I just see him as a stranger again.. I feel like such a bastard but its true.. Things are back to what they used to be..
'Always stays the same, Nothing ever changes' - Placebo
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Winter brings fortune...
(It is now past 12 and is a new day. But i may aswell just keep referring to it as tonight for the sake of it being much more easier.)
I can honestly say i do not like drinking.. i like being drunk but i do not enjoy the process of getting there.. So tonight in the St Patricks day spirit, i decided to get midori illusions as they are green in colour. It tasted nice for like the first 2 then i seriously wanted to just chuck the rest out. All you could taste was the sugar and the overly sweetness of all their lil ingredients they put into it.. As If i wasnt sweet enough already. So with drinking comes thoughts so i thought what better time to blog.
So things have took a sudden change for the better i believe.. I haven't found people to hang around with yet, but im definately making a couple of friends. I just want to apoligize for people who read this, as it may contain a few spelling errors due to the fact i been drinking.. But yes im actually feeling alot better this week...
I currently have friends over tonight since we went to the crabfest.. the night was really good all round.. even when the less talented bands such as screams for dylan were playing, we managed to muster up enough conversation to totally block out their constant swearing inbetween songs.. I was starting to think i knew noone in mandurah, but once again this day has proven otherwise. It was good to see my older mates today. I thought it would be nice to take them to a free gig and have drinks at mine afterwards.. and what do you know it was..
I met a couple of cool people while i was handing out flyers trying to promote the nights gig.. My partners in handing them out Luke and Ross were top dudes aswell. I really like Luke, in a friendly way ofcourse. He just seems like a genuinely nice guy, with pretty kewl hair.. Hell down to earth.. i dunno how to explain it so im just going to give up. Maybe it will come to me when i get some of my wits back.
In other news my old group has moved on, and i think i have begun (or began (they both dont look like the right spelling)) to aswell. I still like them as people but i dont think it is going to be one of them friendships that will last forever. Just another sign passing on the road to life kinda thing. It's a shame, they are all nice people. It seems the more time i have spent away from them has made me relize how different we really are form eachother. I would still like to see them now and again though..
So my friends are sleeping on the couch in my living room, while i hog my queen size bed. Within good reason though. Everytime i have had drinks i have never actually slept in my bed that night. I have always got the arse end of the couch which nobody wants :P I did however sacrofice my blanket for them so im not completely evil. Besides there is a couple in my living room so i dunt wanna interupt anything. I hate sleeping alone when others around you have lil snuggle buddies. I can honestly not think of a more lonelier feeling. Maybe its just me but i kinda get down when i see couples all hugging snuggling up and making out, while im alone watching the tv pretending im sublime to it all. I guess thats the rewards for having a partner i guess. But i dont want one. I like being single and not having to care about what i do. But for that reason alone i would get into a relationship without a doubt. I guess just that feeling of security kinda thing. I dont know anymore.. well i do but cant explain that either. im totally not with it tonight. i want to go to bed but i cant sleep cause i have a dry feeling in my eyes. I think i will.. I will label this as possibly the most thoughtless blog i have ever done..
'Somethings sound alot better in my head'
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Sympathy.. a strange thing..
Well another week passes. I still haven't found anyone to hang with in my new school. Quite frankly i couldn't give a fuck anymore. If thats how its going to be then so be it. I want to make some solid mates down in mandurah though. My old ones have seemed to move on. I havent seen them in about 5weeks or so. Barely speak to any of them even on msn. Maybe this is what i need though. Like a little sink or swim situation. I can either cling on to my friends and rely on them and not make new ones or i can relise how much i cant rely on them and go out and make myself a couple.
What a week though. I Have recently been getting into PJ Harvey and Obsessed with a Portishead song. I think my music tastes have mellowed or stranged out a bit more. Its not something i wanna brag about but i dunno whats going on with it lately. I have been working 4 nights of this week at KFC. Full of wankers and fucking shit stirrers. Tonight 3 people cried one being my favourite manager. The tension was incredible at the start. Was totally screwed. One girl missed her parents and cried before her shift. We really needed her though but she was still too upset to come out. Half an hour into when her shift started the manager asked her to come out. The girl on lobby had bitch about the manageress's attitude towards the situation. I was so sick of all this backstabbing bullshit that comes with a workplace. I used to say us guys were worst then the girls, but tonight the girls took the cake. Everything was going wrong tonight. Not enough stock was in. Food orders were taking too long. The employee's were constantly at eachothers throats. The Manageress had had enough. She secluded into her office where she sobbed silently. I didnt wanna say anything, i think crying is good for people sometimes. This was one of those times.
I dont know how people pent up such emotions and just keep going on. I haven't cried for ages. The last time i cried was when i was late for work after a big night. I was severely hung over and was coming down from a massive alcohol fueled couple of nights. It was about 11:15am in the morning and i was still sleeping. My mum storms in and tells me work has rang and im 15minutes late for my shift I didnt even know i had. I had looked at the rosters about 3times before that and seen nothing of me working on that day. My head was pounding, my mouth was dry, My weekend was a shit one of which drinking didn't help. I dragged myself into the shower and let the water run donw my face in a lazy effort to wake up. I could barely stand my legs hurt that much from one of the drunken walks i had the night before. AS the water runs down my back i just can't help but think 'why the fuck am i doing this?' I didnt even know why i bothered to go out drinking that night. I hadn't seen my old friends in a while though and thought it would be a good opportunity to catch up. I got dressed and sat outside with my mum. My face was trippin me. My mum was talking to me, but i couldn't seem to sustain a conversation. I just stared into space. My mum asked me if anything was wrong..
Everything just collapsed at that moment. I held on thinking get over it, suck it up its only been a couple of shit weeks it will get better. My eyes filled with tears and i couldn't even talk. It was like the whole fucking world and everyone but my family was out to get me. I was totally fed up. I had just moved to mandurah. My friends made no efforts to catch up at all them past few weeks. But if you mention drinks they will come. When we had drinks that w.e it was fucked. Fucking girl problems everyone was depressed. I was looking forward to seeing them aswell. My whole bus trip was just excitment and thoguhts as to what could happen tonight. I didnt think my mate would almost break up with his gf and one would get desprately love sick. I just had enough of everyone at that time and work was the last place i wanted to be.
I was shocked thursday night. I work with a girl called 'Chantelle'. She isnt all there. But she isn't retarded or anything. She is just has a condition which makes her more childish. She has such a genuine heart. She will always ask people how their day is going, ask if their ok? She is very clumpsy though but its no biggie. People still bitch about her though. I think she knows it to. She likes to eat aswell though. She honestly doesn't care what anyone else thinks about her. She has no shame. I think its great. She isnt an oil painting to look at though, and she wears heavy make up and puts her hair in one big platt. She is so innocent and unspoiled by society. I admit at times she can be a bit full on, but its all in good nature. She isn't afraid to talk to anyone. People use her alot though. She has these supposed friends who use her for free food in exchange for friendship. Very shallow people. She had just finished a shift and wanted something to eat to take home so i served her. She is very polite to me and says what she wants. She makes small talk with me and the 2 people behind her eating figure she isn't all there. When i look up to give chantelle her change i see the 2 laughing behind her back. I was stunned. These people were 2 grown people one female one male. LIke 25 odd. It hit me like a fucking train. This girl would have to go through hell everyday of her life because of some condition she has. Its irreversable and she has this torment constantly until she dies. Here are us selfish beings thinking we got big problems cause of girlfriends and boyfriends, the way we dress, money and all that bullshit that comes with it. This poor girl has been robbed of a normal life. The reality is that she has trouble fitting in with society, making friends, will find it pretty hard to find someone to love, Yet still wears a smile on her face everyday. Still we get complete fuckheads who torment her for it. I cannot describe the way i felt, it wasn't just shock it was like something died inside. I relised how cruel we are as a whole. We judge people on looks and status and don't even try to deny it. When we look at someone for that split second we either know we are better then them or not even worth their time.
I didn't say anything to the couple eating. Chantelle didn't know they were laughing at her anyways so i thought it was best to leave it. I think they knew what they did was out of order though. My face said it all. I wish chantelle could live a normal life though. She is so pure, full of hope. Maybe her way of life is really what a normal life should be. We are all just caught up in the social heirachy we have created though.
'We're in a rush to nowhere...'
What a week though. I Have recently been getting into PJ Harvey and Obsessed with a Portishead song. I think my music tastes have mellowed or stranged out a bit more. Its not something i wanna brag about but i dunno whats going on with it lately. I have been working 4 nights of this week at KFC. Full of wankers and fucking shit stirrers. Tonight 3 people cried one being my favourite manager. The tension was incredible at the start. Was totally screwed. One girl missed her parents and cried before her shift. We really needed her though but she was still too upset to come out. Half an hour into when her shift started the manager asked her to come out. The girl on lobby had bitch about the manageress's attitude towards the situation. I was so sick of all this backstabbing bullshit that comes with a workplace. I used to say us guys were worst then the girls, but tonight the girls took the cake. Everything was going wrong tonight. Not enough stock was in. Food orders were taking too long. The employee's were constantly at eachothers throats. The Manageress had had enough. She secluded into her office where she sobbed silently. I didnt wanna say anything, i think crying is good for people sometimes. This was one of those times.
I dont know how people pent up such emotions and just keep going on. I haven't cried for ages. The last time i cried was when i was late for work after a big night. I was severely hung over and was coming down from a massive alcohol fueled couple of nights. It was about 11:15am in the morning and i was still sleeping. My mum storms in and tells me work has rang and im 15minutes late for my shift I didnt even know i had. I had looked at the rosters about 3times before that and seen nothing of me working on that day. My head was pounding, my mouth was dry, My weekend was a shit one of which drinking didn't help. I dragged myself into the shower and let the water run donw my face in a lazy effort to wake up. I could barely stand my legs hurt that much from one of the drunken walks i had the night before. AS the water runs down my back i just can't help but think 'why the fuck am i doing this?' I didnt even know why i bothered to go out drinking that night. I hadn't seen my old friends in a while though and thought it would be a good opportunity to catch up. I got dressed and sat outside with my mum. My face was trippin me. My mum was talking to me, but i couldn't seem to sustain a conversation. I just stared into space. My mum asked me if anything was wrong..
Everything just collapsed at that moment. I held on thinking get over it, suck it up its only been a couple of shit weeks it will get better. My eyes filled with tears and i couldn't even talk. It was like the whole fucking world and everyone but my family was out to get me. I was totally fed up. I had just moved to mandurah. My friends made no efforts to catch up at all them past few weeks. But if you mention drinks they will come. When we had drinks that w.e it was fucked. Fucking girl problems everyone was depressed. I was looking forward to seeing them aswell. My whole bus trip was just excitment and thoguhts as to what could happen tonight. I didnt think my mate would almost break up with his gf and one would get desprately love sick. I just had enough of everyone at that time and work was the last place i wanted to be.
I was shocked thursday night. I work with a girl called 'Chantelle'. She isnt all there. But she isn't retarded or anything. She is just has a condition which makes her more childish. She has such a genuine heart. She will always ask people how their day is going, ask if their ok? She is very clumpsy though but its no biggie. People still bitch about her though. I think she knows it to. She likes to eat aswell though. She honestly doesn't care what anyone else thinks about her. She has no shame. I think its great. She isnt an oil painting to look at though, and she wears heavy make up and puts her hair in one big platt. She is so innocent and unspoiled by society. I admit at times she can be a bit full on, but its all in good nature. She isn't afraid to talk to anyone. People use her alot though. She has these supposed friends who use her for free food in exchange for friendship. Very shallow people. She had just finished a shift and wanted something to eat to take home so i served her. She is very polite to me and says what she wants. She makes small talk with me and the 2 people behind her eating figure she isn't all there. When i look up to give chantelle her change i see the 2 laughing behind her back. I was stunned. These people were 2 grown people one female one male. LIke 25 odd. It hit me like a fucking train. This girl would have to go through hell everyday of her life because of some condition she has. Its irreversable and she has this torment constantly until she dies. Here are us selfish beings thinking we got big problems cause of girlfriends and boyfriends, the way we dress, money and all that bullshit that comes with it. This poor girl has been robbed of a normal life. The reality is that she has trouble fitting in with society, making friends, will find it pretty hard to find someone to love, Yet still wears a smile on her face everyday. Still we get complete fuckheads who torment her for it. I cannot describe the way i felt, it wasn't just shock it was like something died inside. I relised how cruel we are as a whole. We judge people on looks and status and don't even try to deny it. When we look at someone for that split second we either know we are better then them or not even worth their time.
I didn't say anything to the couple eating. Chantelle didn't know they were laughing at her anyways so i thought it was best to leave it. I think they knew what they did was out of order though. My face said it all. I wish chantelle could live a normal life though. She is so pure, full of hope. Maybe her way of life is really what a normal life should be. We are all just caught up in the social heirachy we have created though.
'We're in a rush to nowhere...'
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