New week.. New ways

My manager is one of the idiotic type. I tell her i cannot work wednesday or thursday due to my other commitments of which i finish at 5:30pm and 5:00pm. So she puts me on for both of them days at 6 o'clock.. Pretty idiotic. 'Liam just had a long day at school what could be better, i know some physical labour!' Thats my impersonation of their mind :P

Im looking forward to (almost today) Thursday. I like working at guitar world. Its so easy and is just an escape from school during the week. School is getting better. I have started talking to people more during classes. I must look like a lost sheep at times though :P I just try to keep as quiet as possible at the moment so i dont come off like an utter retard. I still havent found anyone to hang with at recess and lunch though. I have occupied myself at these times by just making use of the library computers and such and looking up infomation on my favourite bands and other musically related things. My favourite class would have to be english at the moment. I still find it one of my more relaxed classes. Plus Michael is in there and he is a pretty easy person to talk to.

I got a suit for the ball today. It cost my almost 200bucks but its totally worth it. Its the only suit i have felt comfortable in. It doesnt make me look macho or anything either it fits me perfectly. Im not going to say im in love with it but its a fucking awesome suit. I have also lost all trust in my big brother. That asshole :P

My trip in Karratha was a memorable one. I went out heaps, partied and chilled at times, was great. It seems everything i have done though has came back to haunt me. Not accidently or by some off chance but because my big brother cannot keep his mouth shut. He dobbed me in for smoking a couple of times in karratha. Quite pathetic really i know.. I only do it when i drink anyways just a casual thing.. i can't bare even loking at one when im sober. But to the point, he told my dad everything and my dad was subtly angry at me but played it cool. He rings me up 4 weeks later claiming he has been trying to ring me for the past 3months on my new home phone. there are 2 things wrong here;

i) I was up in karratha less then 3months ago..
ii) I havent even been in my ne whouse for 3months.

i just carried on the conversation for a while. He told me pretty much to not smoke and i dont need to, to be kewl. I already knew this (can you hear my own trumpet blowing) but i honestly dont do it for that reason. its not peer pressure or because its a part of an image im trying to create. Its merely cause it leaves a wierd taste in my mouth i have grown to kinda enjoy. If anyone wants to do something i reckon go for it. I think as humans we thrive on curiosity. We dont need the general public to make our minds up about what we can or can't do. I mean within reason ofcourse be safe about things. But the way i feel is if your not harming anyone else then how is it anyone elses business.

'Blame society, everyone else does'

Things are looking better...

I week or so has passed since i last blogged. Things are still the same but there is a glimour of hope and i think things may get better...

Im coping with Mandurah Campus a bit better. I have some people to talk to during class now which is a hell bonus, but i still have noone to hang out with. Im not doing so well physically though. I have lost weight and im starting to worry about myself. Maybe it was because i was to intimidated to go the canteen at school alone or maybe i am just too busy thinking about other things then to bother about eating. I wasnt really aware i lost weight until one of my mums friend told me. I took a look at an old photo and relised how much weight i had lost in my face and torso. It scares me sumtimes. I think dying of starvation would be a horrible way of dying. I dunno why but maybe how i percieve myself is totally different to how other would look at me. Maybe i see myself as being a normal figure and looking okay but maybe thats cause its what i want to see. If someone bar myself was to look at me i wonder if i would look the same?? just some wierd thoughts i know but hey..

I have met some pretty kewl people over the past week. My english class i would have to say is by far one of my favourites. Its probably one of the only classes i feel completely comfortable in. I met a pretty kewl dude in there who lives kinda close. He has good taste of music but he is more just a laugh if anything. He is hell tanned though, he makes me look like reflex paper compared to him. I have also volunteered to work for Peel Music Foundation. At first i thought what a stupid idea but it seems to be an okay thing to get into. The people there are really nice and out-going to. I was complimented on a placebo shirt i wore at school aswell.. thats seriously made my week.

I think my personality is slowly changing now that im in mandurah. I used to be soo out-going and flamboyant and just a total nut but in mandurah im completely subdued and afraid to come off as a complete dickhead. I miss my old friends, i wish i could see them a little more. It seems the annoying little quirky thing and traits each of them had are what i miss the most at the moment. It sound so cleche but its true. I miss the way we used to argue and play fight, the way we spoke to each other all our little inside jokes even the way we bitched. I sometimes wonder why we moved to mandurah at all. We originally done it because we were thinking it would be a good change. I dunno maybe it is and im still just adapting to it.

Time will tell...

MSC... Mandurahs Socially Challenged

So its been a total of almost 2weeks in my new school. The first week i understand that alot of people were easing back into school or starting aswell, So i was optimistic about this second week. I find it hard to believe how Socially retarded Mandurah Senior Campus is. You think atleast one person would have the guts or some sort of courage to approach me whilst sitting all alone by my fucking self and ask how i was or say hello. I must admit there are 2 people who have been nice to me, but as much i think their kewl they are not my age. Sam is a boy i work with, and he is a really nice guy. I find him a bit more intellectual and its probably the fact he is not from mandurah. He is infact a Kiwi or from New zealand for some few that may not know what a kiwi means. Today and a while ago he has cheered me up at school when i have had noone to talk to. I was in the cafeteria standing on my own so sam asked his group to wait there and came and stood with me to make me look less lonely. I thought this was a very kind gesture but i still havent thanked him for it. He is in year 11 though and as stupid as it may seem i want to have yr 12 friends to be with so i know people in my classes and at assemblys whom i can talk to. Sam is still a totally kewl guy, he has made my days better on many ocassions.

Today i got picked up from school and was on the verge of an outburst. I always try my best not to, unless im in deep deep physical pain. I got in the car and my mum asked me what was wrong. I have recently been lying saying all is good, im meeting new people its great, it will be really good in a weeks time. Today i felt like what i have been going through now is just going to continue through my yr 12 year. I talk to people in music who share common interests, they see me sitting infront of my school listening to my ipod and txting people yet still wont just come over to say hello or even ask how im doing. I swear to god mandurah is the most slowest and thickest place i have ever lived in. I have lived in Karratha for fuck sake so thats saying something. You think a teacher would notice and try something but noo if it takes effort in mandurah, its not going to happen in mandurah.

I just find it so hard to believe people can be so ignorant. All i want is a friend who can show me the ropes and make me feel welcome. Its not that much to ask im sure if someone gives me a bit of direction i could go the whole course by myself. If things haven't changed im either going to start TAFE or possibly go back to leeming high school.

I can dare to dream right??

My Dream love,

I am just doing my usual day to day things when i notice someone. Everything is in a haze and goes like a blur but i cant help but keep this someone in focus, Their eyes are immaculate and are being complimented by the surroundings be it sun or light. The way they do things make me love them more. I long to know what their name is. By some off chance or strange coincidence they approach me and we both look at eachother as if we were meant to be sorta thing. There are no words just purely actions. I think words could spoil everything about them. I would go home thinking about them. Wondering if i will ever see them again, wondering if they were wondering about me to. Living in a doubt as to if we will meet again by some odd circumstances.

This is what i wait for in life. What i would percieve as that thing people spend a lifetime for, True love. It has happened before. I wish i got their name. It could of been so easy.

I was sitting waiting for my bus back to mandurah. I seen them with a friend of theirs, They were beautiful. Beautiful lips, Lucious eyes and lovely hair. At the time i didnt relise it though. I wanted to get their name but didnt know how. Suddenly a friend came and sat next to me. We started talking about past incidents and mindless chatter. I just wanted them to go so i could approach this person i seemed to have been lusting for. They left too late. I had to go on my bus by the time they finally left me. I was really dissapointed. I got on the bus and sat down (as a normal person would do) but subtly beating myself up for not approaching this person. Would i ever see them again? Was this a one off thing? I was so pissed off with myself.

The bus was leaving in 3minutes. As i sat by the window watching the world go by they ran down the stairs with their friend and got on my bus. It was my luck, my second wind if u must. They sat down at the back of the bus. I was parked in the middle. I thought i would get up and talk to them. But once again i listened to my head and not my heart and decided it was best not to. I didnt want to come off as a creep. As they walked past me as the left the bus at their stop, they accidently bumped my head and woke me up. One last gaze at their face as they apoligized and that was them for possibly the rest of my life. I watched them as the bus passed. We both looked at eachother. It was as if we kinda felt the same. I wish i had another chance.

I been trying to find them since. Trying to recognise them in a crowd is hard though. I purposely missed busses at one stage in a hope to find them and catch the bus with them again. But i havent seen them since.

Im just another hopeless romantic...

Australia day.. the letdown

So i wake up really early for work the morning after and think it was a shit idea staying for australia day.
Australia day was a crock of shit full stop. We met up with the crew and tried finding my mates gf. It was pretty ridiculous, she was supposedly near us at one point but in the end we didnt see her. I just wanted to get pissed and somehow get home. I liked seeing shannyn and nathan though. It was great, i hadnt seen them for sometime.

School work with a twist of rejection...

The poisonous mixture which i can say is almost breaking me at this present date. As i sit here typing away ever so freely i cant help but fear the worst for this new school i have moved to. I expected some good things from Mandurah Senior Campus but alas have not seen one thing i can call a complete positive for me. I honestly thought this could be a good change for me. I dont know what to think so far but maybe im being a premature with my thoughts and should give it more time. Time will tell..


Feb 1st (The First day of my New school)


I hadn't previously had any worries as to what the new school would be like. I was assured there were many other new students to year 12 in the campus and that i would be fine. I still couldn't help but stress. I woke up in the morning at 3 i believe out of my sub-concious worries of starting school today. I couldn't seem to calm down so i went for a shower and was fine. I was awaken at 7:30pm. This is a luxury compared to the time i would wake up for leeming high school. I quickly ate my breakfast and chucked on the school shirt with me denim 3 quarter length pants on. I headed for the car. It started to hit me that i was finally going to start my first day at a completely foriegn school. The only people i knew were the few yr 11's that i had worked with, but didnt choose to talk to them as i felt it could of ruined my rep before i had got some. I walked into the greeting assembly late. Everyone tends to look at you when you walk in all gobsmacked at how many people there are. The amount of people here shit on the amount of yr 12's in leeming. I just quietly made my way to the side as there were no seats left. To my utmost joy i wasnt the only one late as about another 20 people flocked in afterwards. The assembly was short and sweet and i was eager to get into a comfort zone of a class.

My first and only class for that day was Structured workplace learning (SWL) and it was just listening to the contracts and inductions talks of the whole course. All pretty straight forward but i knew noone, so i sat on a chair behind the semi circle of desks and just completed my forms from there. I then went to the library to fill out a worksafe certificate. I had to pass a quiz on the computer. It took me 3times but i finally passed it. It turns out the guy next to me liked radiohead so i used that as a common topic of interest during conversation. Dominic Spear i believe his name to be. He and his friend seemed pretty kewl but for now they were just aqquaintances. We broke for lunch, and it all became a bit overwhelming. I couldn't see one recognisable face amongst the vast mixture of yr 11 and 12 students. I decided to just txt my friends at leeming in a bid to forget i was at the campus. I even txt my mum teeling her about my day and reassuring her all was well. After about 10mins i was really feeling uncomfortable and decided to just sit in my class i had next. The teachers talked to me in an effort to make me feel at ease. I just wanted to sit down and relax though. The day ended and i thought it was pretty average for a first day... I thought to myself 'Don't worry liam, you have media tomorrow.. there are bound to be people who share the same interests in there.. But as Feb 2 had it, no there weren't any.



Feb 2nd (I know where the english block is at the school now)

Worry is kicking in but i still got a better night sleep. I woke up in a cheery mood, which is unusual compared to the normal scarcastic mood i usually wake up in. I decided not to eat breakfast as i wasnt starving or really that hungry and the fact i was already running late of schedule for school. I arrived at school with high hopes. People might of known i was new by now and make an effort to talk to me. I was hoping anyways, i just waited and seen how the day progressed. I go to my english class. I arrive kinda on time but still one or 2minutes later then i should have supposedly done. I sat down next to some preppie girls as all they boys were shunned off by surrounding patrons of the class. A girl rockd up late called daniel. She had the choice of me or a very wierd nervous like girl. She choose me thankfully. The nervous girl had friends beside her though so dont pity her too much. BUt she was also new to the school. Daniel her name is, she came from south fremantle high school, where my mates jayde and tanya 'studied'. We ended up having a good conversation and thought today was going to be a good day. I ended up having a 2 hour break before my next class. I wasnt sure if i didi so i went to my class to check. I accidently walked in on a year 11 class whilst doing so but hey, better sooner then sorry. For the whole 3 hours break i waited at the front of the school posing as if my mum was to pick me up. This made me seem less lonerish but it was really hot during the process. I thought atleast one person would have talked to me being new, you know someone to show me the ropes.. but no. Its very pretentious At MSC. As there is no dress code people usually dress to impress and tease others about what they are wearing. IM sure i will get to the stage where i will venture in with my placebo shirt on.. Maybe this monday for music in society but meh.

I got sick of waiting for 'my mum to pick me up' so i decided to grab a bite to eat. I must say the food is many times better then the shite people have at leeming. Coke, Vanilla coke, powerade, lasagna, beef rolls, sushi, pasta's it was a buffet. but not for free unfortunately. I was wondering around looking like a lost puppy when a workmate Sam seen me in strife and hung with me for a brief moment. I was really thankful he did, he is a wonderful kid really. I love working with him, very polite and never wrongs you. He is also a bit of a looker ladies so lemme know :P (you will have to take a number after me ahaha jks)

Media started. There was a 1:8 boy to girl ratio. All the guys seemed really quite 'geeky' except for one who was wearing an 'At the drive in' band shirt. i thought of mustering up enough courage to start a conversation but i put it to rest. Well seemed noone in the class shared any common interests. I sat alone again and talked to absolute noone. Its a very good way to put yourself in a neutral position between dickhead and alright guy, so i used it to my 'advantage'. The day was long and boring. Thinking about BDO kept me going. As i get in the car and tell my mother it was good i relised I seriously miss my old school.

Why did we move?, we had it all...