Waste of fucking space...

Tis the season to be jolly... Christmas is closing in and all is well.. Besides a few minor things but i will go into detail about them shortly..

Tonight is the first night in 4days i haven't been drinking. It's a welcome change, which im sure my liver is most grateful for.. I haven't worked once this week as i haven't been rostered on.. They must expect me to pull money for christmas presents out my arse and not from shelves of stores who only accept cash or card payments.

I'm not too fussed.. the main family members have all their presents and thats the most important thing.. Work is shit at the moment anyways.. They want to make me wear a hair net because i can't tie back 3-4dreadlocks at the front of my head.. the real reason is some girl who works one night a week and moans the arse off everyone hates dreadlocks and want me 2 get rid of them or make me wear a hair net.. Boost juice is supposed to be loving and love life.. not lets be restrained by a fucking hair net and shitty guidelines some bitch thinks she can make cause she has the head guy whipped on her every word.. its fucking stupid, im ready to quit and find a new job.. Everyone asked where i was at the staff x-mas party last night.. I thought i would catch up with Luke and get thrashed at his joint instead.. I got to meet his little brother for the first time yesterday.. he is great, so innocent, the kind of innocent where you just think to yourself 'god i wish i could still be like that..'

He is 8, and talks with an open mind. He has no intention to hurt anyone, but just a playful nature i would of expected Luke to have when he was that age.. You couldn't help but joke around and have a bit of fun with him.. you could tell he was gagging for it anyway.. 'Uh-oh!' is just a dead give away that they want you to come after them and chase them around.. i couldn't help myself, with all that has been going on lately it was somewhat refreshing to me..

A friend of Martin (my mums partner) recently died in a motorcycle accident.. He was a good guy, i remember working with him when i labored for martin a while back.. He was a pretty straight forward kinda guy, loved his friends, would tell you if your an enemy, would look out for the ones he loved.. that was him.. We all went golfing at Glen Iris golf course one time for a work-do.. i dunno if i could even call it that, there was only 4 of us.. He was hilarious, he got soo drunk he spent most the time swinging and missing, and on the phone to friends.. thats the way i remember him.. He had a bit of a rough upbringing.. went to jail for a little while, got involved with drugs.. but he never changed.. He was only out of jail maybe a month before this accident happened.. It's upsetting really.. i barely knew him yet was fighting back the tears when i got the news.. he just had that sort of impact on people..

As well as this i have been used by another.. i call them 'Wasters'.. I have no time for them anymore and have realized i shouldn't of got involved with them to begin with.. I met them a little while ago.. A one night stand kept raving on about them and how they think they are soo great.. It was doing my fucking head in.. they asked me to add them on myspace so i gave into their idiocy and did it..

I only talked to them maybe a week ago.. But they seems ok at first, they do hair dressing, lived fairly close and i had a good feeling about them.. Soon the conversation turned.. it was no longer one of 'so what do you do?' or 'whats happening chrissie?'.. it was 'when can we meet up?' and 'i wanna be on you now..' They certainly knew what they wanted.. at first i was ok with it, i actually wouldn't of minded meeting them and having a bit of a tumble, they seemed like a fairly nice person.. so i went along with it.. A couple days passed and we agreed we will meet up at mine boxing day.. i tried to find out more about them purely out of interest.. all they seemed to be interested in was the fact they could possibly be getting some.. so here was the conversation..


Me:'so tell me about yourself?'

(anonymous):'no.. thats a shit job..'

Me:'oh true.. well then what to talk about?'

(anonymous):'guh your small talk is so boring..'

Me:'sorry i'm just not keen on going out of my way to fuck strangers.'

(anonymous):'lol.. small talk is shit i'd rather not talk i cant be bothered.'

Me:'oh well then lets forget about boxing day then i can't be bothered.. night x'


and thats then end of them for the moment.. I'm sick of being used.. and its true, why should i go out my way to fuck a stranger? i don't get enjoyment from knowing i have just slept with someone i barely know or will ever speak to again.. it would be nice to be with someone i have feelings for, or am remotely interested in for once.. whats the use of being with someone when you wake up to the most awkward morning after? this person is yet to realize it, maybe they will, or maybe they will always remain a waste of fucking space..

I did meet someone though.. the night of the Christmas padgent in mandurah.. we all went back to Sharni's (lukes girlfriends) house.. We picked up 2 people we seen at the padgent and took them back with us.. i didn't know them, but they seemed nice.. So we get to Sharni's house and keep on drinking.. I start talking to one of them.. they seemed a little out of place so i wanted to make them feel included.. eventually they pulled a chair up next to me and we really hit it off.. we waited for my taxi to come home.. i was tired.. they let me rest in their lap as they snuggled me up and talked to me.. So this is what it feels like to be in love, to have someone who holds you, truly cares for you, wants to be with you.. I think i could get used to this.. The lights get turned on by the mother of the household, who see's us close together.. i was shocked and kinda embaressed.. i got up straight away.. to see the taxi pull up.. i grab their number and leave..

i wish i had stayed.. who knows what could of happened.. i'm having them around this saturday with a couple of others.. i hope all goes well.. they text me after i got home.. 'I think your really cute x'.. I was on cloud 9 the rest of the night.. i cant wait to see them again :)


'Why do you get all the love in the world?'