Being my usual self, im hung over.. it was my friends 21st last night. Dont get me wrong i enjoyed it, and im glad the people who came did, it was good to catch up with everyone again. But i dont know what to think about it in total.. As much as i am mates with the guy whose 21st it was, i had this feeling like a little voice inside my head "dont go, just give this one a miss.."
Im still trying to comprehend what even happened last night, and how i managed to drive home.. My mouth was soo dry, and i could still smell the vodka in my breath. It was a less then desirable morning. I half expected what was going to happen last night, i should of known better then to give it a miss.
I dont know, i dont feel like i was a dickhead last night, but maybe i was. I ended up getting my eye clawed by his sister for being my scarcastic self anyway. I did kinda ask for it, but i was only joking around, i didn't think she would take things soo seriously. I was told she was a crazy bitch, i should of listened..
I was also told last night that this straight kid i playfully flirt with wants to fucking bash me the next time i crack onto them. Im actually mega upset about that, i didn't even crack onto him hard, or feel i was being too full on for him. it wasn't even them that could nut up and tell me it was their friend. I dont know what to think, i actually do kinda like this kid as well, we play fight like brothers would and just mess around and be dickheads, i dont have alot of "friends" who do that, i find it liberating.
I feel like everyone thinks cause im gay, i dont enjoy these things. I like being a guy, i like doing guy things too alot of peoples suprise, i mean im not the sportiest kid. But i like going out every now and again and i duno kick a footy, or go to the beach and stuff. With this person its like they understood, but maybe i was wrong. Maybe their just as close minded as everyone else..
It seems I'm too gay for the straight world, too straight for the gay world.. Can someone please just tell me where i fit, because fucked if i know now.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
I hate being gay!
I have just finished my first Trimester at SAE or should i now say Quantam or something like that. They have changed their name to stop any confusion as they do both Sound engineering, as well as game design, media and film. Im pretty stoked.. I thought i had failed for submitting previous works in an unreadable/viewable format but they let me resubmit and i have passed this trimester.
Other things haven't been too great, im sick at the moment, i thought maybe I was just mega hung over, but no. I have physically unself-induced sickness. I find im pretty hypocritical when im sick. I think "man i cannot wait to be normal again, im going to make the most of it! im going to start working out and getting fit" then when im over it, "fuck that.."
On a more seriousness note im sick of being gay.. Im actually so over it, i dont wish it upon anyone. Dont get me wrong im not ashamed of it, but i dont feel the need to go out and celebrate it. I dont think of it as a burden, but what else can it be? Im sick of the gay world in general. Everyones a sheep. There is a massive interest in drag queens at the moment in the perth gay "clubs". I dont get it. They claim to be entertainers, who are they entertaining? what talent do they have. Some would argue that being able to walk in platforms as big as they do is talent, i however do not. I think it is talentless. They get up there and mime words, quiver their lip as they pretend to sing and strut around the club thinking they own the joint. Its not entertainment, its a one man show on power struggles and their own insecurities.
I dont get it? why is everyone so bitchy to eachother? I cant go out and just legitimately enjoy myself cause there is always someone giving a smart arse look or comment on something they dont even know or understand.. I think im going to die lonely at this rate.. i say that as a joke, but the more i think about it, its probably going to be true.. I can't see myself being with anyone i have ever met in a gay club.
Everyone is just so impressionable, no substance to them. All drinking their wine and champagne cause thats whats expected of them. All wearing designer clothing because thats what expected of them. Applauding others peoples promiscuity, because thats whats expected of them. Having a favourite drag queen because thats whats expected of them. Being complete bitches to one and other and trying to stamp their authority over others because their soo insecure about themselves because thats what expected of them. Acting like men being women, because thats whats expected of them. Listen to lady gaga and other talentless commercial artists because thats whats expected of them.
Seems hypocritical me ripping on them the more i think about it. but im sick of it. Why do we all have to stereotype ourselves? why cant we be open-minded and be ourselves and still be gay. Why do we have to conform to what people expect? people need to open their eyes and start being more true to themselves. We dare to be different, then mould ourselves into what a gay person is expected to be. Maybe people wouldn't fear us if we shown them we are just as normal as everybody else. But we can't do that, its like we all trying to prove we are better then everybody else, we live a better life then everybody else. who are we trying to fool?
I dont know anymore.. but this is all i've known. if i could be straight i would. everyone says they have it easier, i think thats not true, i think we just make it harder for ourselves.
Other things haven't been too great, im sick at the moment, i thought maybe I was just mega hung over, but no. I have physically unself-induced sickness. I find im pretty hypocritical when im sick. I think "man i cannot wait to be normal again, im going to make the most of it! im going to start working out and getting fit" then when im over it, "fuck that.."
On a more seriousness note im sick of being gay.. Im actually so over it, i dont wish it upon anyone. Dont get me wrong im not ashamed of it, but i dont feel the need to go out and celebrate it. I dont think of it as a burden, but what else can it be? Im sick of the gay world in general. Everyones a sheep. There is a massive interest in drag queens at the moment in the perth gay "clubs". I dont get it. They claim to be entertainers, who are they entertaining? what talent do they have. Some would argue that being able to walk in platforms as big as they do is talent, i however do not. I think it is talentless. They get up there and mime words, quiver their lip as they pretend to sing and strut around the club thinking they own the joint. Its not entertainment, its a one man show on power struggles and their own insecurities.
I dont get it? why is everyone so bitchy to eachother? I cant go out and just legitimately enjoy myself cause there is always someone giving a smart arse look or comment on something they dont even know or understand.. I think im going to die lonely at this rate.. i say that as a joke, but the more i think about it, its probably going to be true.. I can't see myself being with anyone i have ever met in a gay club.
Everyone is just so impressionable, no substance to them. All drinking their wine and champagne cause thats whats expected of them. All wearing designer clothing because thats what expected of them. Applauding others peoples promiscuity, because thats whats expected of them. Having a favourite drag queen because thats whats expected of them. Being complete bitches to one and other and trying to stamp their authority over others because their soo insecure about themselves because thats what expected of them. Acting like men being women, because thats whats expected of them. Listen to lady gaga and other talentless commercial artists because thats whats expected of them.
Seems hypocritical me ripping on them the more i think about it. but im sick of it. Why do we all have to stereotype ourselves? why cant we be open-minded and be ourselves and still be gay. Why do we have to conform to what people expect? people need to open their eyes and start being more true to themselves. We dare to be different, then mould ourselves into what a gay person is expected to be. Maybe people wouldn't fear us if we shown them we are just as normal as everybody else. But we can't do that, its like we all trying to prove we are better then everybody else, we live a better life then everybody else. who are we trying to fool?
I dont know anymore.. but this is all i've known. if i could be straight i would. everyone says they have it easier, i think thats not true, i think we just make it harder for ourselves.
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