Waste of fucking space...

Tis the season to be jolly... Christmas is closing in and all is well.. Besides a few minor things but i will go into detail about them shortly..

Tonight is the first night in 4days i haven't been drinking. It's a welcome change, which im sure my liver is most grateful for.. I haven't worked once this week as i haven't been rostered on.. They must expect me to pull money for christmas presents out my arse and not from shelves of stores who only accept cash or card payments.

I'm not too fussed.. the main family members have all their presents and thats the most important thing.. Work is shit at the moment anyways.. They want to make me wear a hair net because i can't tie back 3-4dreadlocks at the front of my head.. the real reason is some girl who works one night a week and moans the arse off everyone hates dreadlocks and want me 2 get rid of them or make me wear a hair net.. Boost juice is supposed to be loving and love life.. not lets be restrained by a fucking hair net and shitty guidelines some bitch thinks she can make cause she has the head guy whipped on her every word.. its fucking stupid, im ready to quit and find a new job.. Everyone asked where i was at the staff x-mas party last night.. I thought i would catch up with Luke and get thrashed at his joint instead.. I got to meet his little brother for the first time yesterday.. he is great, so innocent, the kind of innocent where you just think to yourself 'god i wish i could still be like that..'

He is 8, and talks with an open mind. He has no intention to hurt anyone, but just a playful nature i would of expected Luke to have when he was that age.. You couldn't help but joke around and have a bit of fun with him.. you could tell he was gagging for it anyway.. 'Uh-oh!' is just a dead give away that they want you to come after them and chase them around.. i couldn't help myself, with all that has been going on lately it was somewhat refreshing to me..

A friend of Martin (my mums partner) recently died in a motorcycle accident.. He was a good guy, i remember working with him when i labored for martin a while back.. He was a pretty straight forward kinda guy, loved his friends, would tell you if your an enemy, would look out for the ones he loved.. that was him.. We all went golfing at Glen Iris golf course one time for a work-do.. i dunno if i could even call it that, there was only 4 of us.. He was hilarious, he got soo drunk he spent most the time swinging and missing, and on the phone to friends.. thats the way i remember him.. He had a bit of a rough upbringing.. went to jail for a little while, got involved with drugs.. but he never changed.. He was only out of jail maybe a month before this accident happened.. It's upsetting really.. i barely knew him yet was fighting back the tears when i got the news.. he just had that sort of impact on people..

As well as this i have been used by another.. i call them 'Wasters'.. I have no time for them anymore and have realized i shouldn't of got involved with them to begin with.. I met them a little while ago.. A one night stand kept raving on about them and how they think they are soo great.. It was doing my fucking head in.. they asked me to add them on myspace so i gave into their idiocy and did it..

I only talked to them maybe a week ago.. But they seems ok at first, they do hair dressing, lived fairly close and i had a good feeling about them.. Soon the conversation turned.. it was no longer one of 'so what do you do?' or 'whats happening chrissie?'.. it was 'when can we meet up?' and 'i wanna be on you now..' They certainly knew what they wanted.. at first i was ok with it, i actually wouldn't of minded meeting them and having a bit of a tumble, they seemed like a fairly nice person.. so i went along with it.. A couple days passed and we agreed we will meet up at mine boxing day.. i tried to find out more about them purely out of interest.. all they seemed to be interested in was the fact they could possibly be getting some.. so here was the conversation..


Me:'so tell me about yourself?'

(anonymous):'no.. thats a shit job..'

Me:'oh true.. well then what to talk about?'

(anonymous):'guh your small talk is so boring..'

Me:'sorry i'm just not keen on going out of my way to fuck strangers.'

(anonymous):'lol.. small talk is shit i'd rather not talk i cant be bothered.'

Me:'oh well then lets forget about boxing day then i can't be bothered.. night x'


and thats then end of them for the moment.. I'm sick of being used.. and its true, why should i go out my way to fuck a stranger? i don't get enjoyment from knowing i have just slept with someone i barely know or will ever speak to again.. it would be nice to be with someone i have feelings for, or am remotely interested in for once.. whats the use of being with someone when you wake up to the most awkward morning after? this person is yet to realize it, maybe they will, or maybe they will always remain a waste of fucking space..

I did meet someone though.. the night of the Christmas padgent in mandurah.. we all went back to Sharni's (lukes girlfriends) house.. We picked up 2 people we seen at the padgent and took them back with us.. i didn't know them, but they seemed nice.. So we get to Sharni's house and keep on drinking.. I start talking to one of them.. they seemed a little out of place so i wanted to make them feel included.. eventually they pulled a chair up next to me and we really hit it off.. we waited for my taxi to come home.. i was tired.. they let me rest in their lap as they snuggled me up and talked to me.. So this is what it feels like to be in love, to have someone who holds you, truly cares for you, wants to be with you.. I think i could get used to this.. The lights get turned on by the mother of the household, who see's us close together.. i was shocked and kinda embaressed.. i got up straight away.. to see the taxi pull up.. i grab their number and leave..

i wish i had stayed.. who knows what could of happened.. i'm having them around this saturday with a couple of others.. i hope all goes well.. they text me after i got home.. 'I think your really cute x'.. I was on cloud 9 the rest of the night.. i cant wait to see them again :)


'Why do you get all the love in the world?'

Long lost blog site...

I admit its been a while.. i was tempted to put the exact day time and date but i can't be bothered going to such an extent.. to much effort, so little initiative..

but hello again.. i said i promise i will blog my birthday.. i didn't.. im sorry to all my non adoring liam fans ahaha.. it was ok though.. me and luke were still fighting, he never came to my birthday gathering.. I was upset i even bubbled at the end of the night when the absolut caught up on me.. but besides that i think it was a really enjoyable night. we played Wii sports and the worst organised drinking game ever.. FUBAR but the rules were almost as incoherent as us competitors playing..

Me and luke made up after the dropjaw gig which was on Oct 8th.. im not usually one to remember such insignificant dates but, oct the 8th was the date i wish i was born on, as 8 is my lucky number.. it was really quite an immature lets be friends again.. It was on MSN after the gig..

'wanna start talking again?' - Me
'Ok..' - Luke

and the rest is history.. it was really quite that simple.. We are still bestmates.. and we picked up where we left off, without the small time arguements and being at eachothers throats however..

A month passed.. doing a time warp to the future now.. And its my big brothers 18th.. hooray!.. I travel up 2 karratha to see him.. there was debate as to if i wanted to go because of recent events.. He said he didn't want Mum coming because she would just get drunk and embaress him.. Usually a teen would say this a joking gesture, and the parents would shrug it off, but he meant this in all seriousness.. I found it a lil self absorbed and really quite rude.. The one things parents wanna be there for is your 1st, 10th, 16th, 21st, 30th, 40th, even 50th birthday and He managed to shun my mother out and make her feel unwelcome..

The party ended up being a success.. i got him a 'Modern day Kama Sutra' book.. It was awkward.. not only going into buy the book.. but when i met his gf for the first time she thanked me for the present.. i only gave it to him the day before.. he doesn't waste anytime that boy.. brings a tear to my eye :P His friends are great though, well most of them.. I met a couple of mandurah buddy look alikes.. but i wasn't willing to give myself away to a karratha girl.. they all seemed to be gagging for it.. and complimenting how hot my dreads were.. im not being stuck up, they truly were.. it was flattering in a way, but i knew a bit better then to hook up over a measely compliment.. Now i do anyway :)

I really love mandurah now.. its great.. Its not small enough to be boring and a shit hole.. but its just the right size to be a tight knit community.. everyone knows everyone or someone who does.. Which has actually came back to slap me in the face.. I keep seeing people i have had one-nighters with, when i'm at work or just going around my daily business.. (I work at Boost Juice now btw.. its in the Mandurah forum, where everyone loves to hang..) I seen one today.. One of my more favourable one night stands.. i would do it again in an instant in all honesty.. I don't regret this one, its just i regretted the morning after... I didn't know what to say to them.. the conversation tank was all dried up.. I offered them a coffee and a lift home.. but besides that and a lil bit of a talk about Myspace, it was one of the most unusual and awkward moments of my life..

They came to boost.. With a friend.. I dont think they have told them our history though.. But I had to do register and serve them.. when it came time to being served, they walked off sumwhere else.. I actually was hoping they would speak to me.. I still think they are a genuinly nice person, i just didn't know how to go acting in the morning.. Was i meant to be cuddly and kiss them? Was i meant to act cool and pretend it never happened? i dunno but i still wish we could remain friends..

We haven't spoken since.. i msg'd them apologizing for such the awkward morning.. but the truth is i think my family knew what happened.. and i just wanted them to leave so they didn't have to get caught up in it all.. Oh well.. you win some you lose most.. seems to be the way..

I'm having people round soon.. i'm not going to promise, but i will tell ya how it went next time.. Ciao..


'This is what you get, when you mess with us' - Radiohead

2 days.. maybe 17 is different..

2 more days until i turn 17.. The 5th of October 1990.. the day i was born.. i really love the way queen used these lyrics in bohemian rhapsody.. 'don't wanna die, sometimes wish i'd never been born at all..' it sounds depressing, but it just sums up the feelings i have at times..

I don't know if i will be friend with them anymore.. after confessing what was, things have gone weird.. I said I'm not avoiding you.. but i really was. I was afraid to talk to them.. i didn't want things to seem like i have moved on and back to the way they were, the normal.. There will always be a part of them in me.. this was just my way of showing it.. I would love to remain friends with them. But i know its going to take a little while to go back to that. I fell in love with them at hello.. i couldn't bare to be a part of their life and watch them move on while i was still trying to get over them.. I'm trying to make contact though.. it's not working, i think i have fucked up..

I have been arguing with Luke a lot lately as well.. I think i ended up choking on my own words from the last blog.. The day after i wrote it, i found out he lied to me.. It was the first time i think i have been visibly upset while sober.. Even my friend Chadwick who only knows the shell to me could tell i wasn't right.. I had to leave after he told me the truth.. I took a walk.. Just the fact that someone i put all my trust into, could do that 2 me really shocked me and kinda pulled me back down to earth.. I think i am living in a fantasy world, where i think true love exists and people are in my life for a reason.. I don't know if this was ever the case.. The only times i think i might have truly been in love have all but fucked my world over and made me feeling lonelier then ever.. and these people that keep entering my life are just in it to get something out of me.. Whether it be a gig, information or my other friends..

Luke and I are ok now.. we still argue a bit but i think its just that stage in a friendship where you feel the need to give them a piece of your mind.. a little insight to how you really view them now that your over the whole new friendship buzz and can start to pick out them flaws you were blinded by before.. I do adore him still.. not in a gay sense.. but in a thank god i actually met this person kind of way.. Sometimes i think i'm the only one who actually feels this way.. he isn't to good at re-assuring though.. I seen him today at a music industry workshop.. We had just had an argument the night before.. i came in thinking 'fuck this is going to be awkward..' but he waved to me straight away and called me over to sit with him. What are best friends for right :)

i will blog how my birthday went.. i promise..


'Whenever im down, I call on you my friend. A helping hand you lend, in my times of need' - Groove Armada..

It's going to hurt me.. but i will get over it..

I confessed to them.. I told them about how i felt.. how the kiss meant a lot more to me then they were led to believe.. i wish i had been honest when they asked me the first time round.. They really do mean the world to me, and i have to give them credit for them to be able to absorb all i was saying to them yet still come out so understanding. I am writing a song about them. I think i had mentioned i had started writing it a post or 2 ago, i haven't been reflecting as much so I'm not too sure about it.

It's titled 'Tiny Dancer'.. i wont go into the meaning.. they know and i know.. the way i want it to be.. i hope one day i can get famous and play in front of a big crowd in Perth.. They will be in the crowd and i will put my heart and soul into the song too truly touch them and let them know just how much they still mean to me.. I won't be able to see them, but i know their there listening, whether their married and with their family, single, taken.. just as long as their there.

Its currently 11:30pm.. My uncle was just around. i let him have his acoustic back, the same acoustic which has made me the guitar player i can say i am today. It was on that acoustic i wrote my very first song.. When i look back on the song i created i realize how much i have grown as a musician and as a person in general. Being able to make lyrics and interpret feelings and situation into song.. it makes me feel alive and poetic.. But the acoustic is rightfully his, yet i still feel a little attachment to it. Just thinking of the countless nights i have spent on it whilst writing blogs or doing 'homework' on the computer gives me a feeling of sadness.

I need to get a grip, its just a guitar.. I am thinking about going to bed now.. I had Luke stay over the night before. We got done for possession of alcohol whilst on our way to the movies.. We got let off with a juvenile warning though.. They said we had a very good attitude about us which helped them in making their judgment. We didn't even drink that night so the morning was seedy free and i felt a bit refreshed. I really do like hanging with Luke, he is like an untold brother to me.. I hope when or if i get into a proper relationship they can be as good to me as Luke is..

For now I'm going to bed.. i wonder what the new week has in store for me.. Last week of school until its all over for me.. I'm scared, yet anxious to see what awaits me.. time will tell..


'Life isn't a destination, it's a journey..' - Teghan George

Delayed i know..

It exactly one month till my 17th birthday. it also been almost a month since my last blog.. and i have plenty to document. I have started getting into the more teeny aspects of teenage life such as hook ups and partying down in Mandurah. People would be jumping for joy, and saying well done, but the truth is if anything it has confused me even more. I dont know what i'm after these days.


I dunno if i like what i am doing, i dont really get as much satisfaction as i thought i would of at first glance. I don't want the emotional attachment that goes with some drunken hookups and i have suceeded in that with all but some.. im going to wait a while before i document these feelings further..

(10days have past.. i am now on the computer after bailing on my friends at some juvenile party)


So now i am drunk i can document my inner thoughts with a little more truth then one would expect from a sober mind. Luke had his 16th birthday party.. i had soo much fun it was incredible. I ended up hooking up with about 6 people in total but now without its consequences.. One was someone my friend liked, i knew he liked them but i gave into to them anyway. i felt horrible, they had lost trust in me and it was the worst feeling ever. The second was a girl who ended up being in the same school and year as my little brother. I honestly thought she was older, i felt really bad in the next days to come as i had realized her age. The third i planned on hooking that night and this is what i am going to elaborate on..

I fell in love with them.. i didn't mean to but it just happened.. I planned on hooking up with them as i had fancied them for a while before the party had happened. They are gorgeous, perfect in every way i can think. Their lips were soft, their face was perfect, their eyes were shining. They took me behind the shed, they thought they were going to vomit. It was definitely not as romantic now that i think of it but i thought it was perfect. They kissed with such feeling i couldn't help but be suckered in to them.

Now for people who have read my posts on here before you will be disappointed to know this was yet another friend, Except this time they were in my reach. I ended up bunking with them the night. I was on the couch, but was rudely awakened with Luke and Alex pinching my face telling me to get back up at 4 and start drinking with them. They let me in their sleeping device and hadn't felt more comfortable in my life. I promised myself not to get attached to them, it was not my intention to fall for them, it had just took a turn for the worst.

Things were weird the next day but were back to normal before i knew it. I went out drinking with them the w/e after. We all ended up staying at lukes, he has become an easy accommodation option as of late. We talked on the couch about that drunken night. It was great that we got some things established, i felt like this person had really put lots of trust and friendship into me, which will go on to reward them later on in life. We were talking about that kiss..

'That kiss didn't mean anything to you did it?...' they said.. it was in the nicest of intentions. They had a hint of worry in their voice as if they were stressing they could of ended up hurting me. I couldn't tell them it meant the world to me. They were honestly the best kiss i have had in my life, i don't regret doing it at all, i just don't like the confusion it is causing me lately. I just replied with a false 'ahaha na don't worry about it' and smiled and continued to carry the conversation.

It has really turned around to bite me in the arse. They have really took a liking to another, and i am hearing about it more and more as time goes on. I haven't moved on, and its hurting me to think it had meant nothing to them when i put my heart and soul into them. The worst part of all is that i am actually getting a little bit jealous over it which is horrible. I don't want to be a jealous person i want to be happy for my friends and be able to celebrate them making relations along side them.

I know whats to come. I will cry my eyes out, suck it up.. and move on.. who's next?



'Don't let him go.. his always on your mind'...

If only we could sleep tonight...

The past week has been a big change for me.. more eventful things have happened to me in this one week then it probably will in the next 3 months time. For once this blog isn't a bleeding heart who has his keyboard equipped and his emotions running wild, this is a blog of change.

I paid $202 to see 'The Cure' last night.. and i would do it all again.. They were amazing. It truly is music that lasts through the ages. Was a good mixture of youth and the elderly.. i would give it a range of about 12 - 65 possibly +65. I was waiting for Shannyn at Gateways so she could meet me and we would trek it to the gig together. Here is how the txt's went.

Shannyn: 'hey liam, just txt us when your about 10minutes away from gateways and we will pick you up :)'

Me: 'wow, ironically enough i was just about to call you and say i was 10mintues away now'

Shannyn: 'well i can't pick you up yet cause my mum is out.. just sit tight and i will be there in ten'

Me: 'Ok no problems i will grab a bite to eat then before the gig'

Shannyn: 'Sounds plan :)'


I went to Red rooster and grabbed a meal for $7 bucks.. was muchly needed, i couldn't of lasted from the small amount of Nutri-grain i had for breakfast. I quickly ate it there and went back to cockburn train station. I sit there on a curb in my nice pants, afraid i was going to get white powder on them. I watched the cars go past, i vaguely knew what car i was looking for.. well i knew it was red. I ended up getting bored waiting. Half an Hour passed with numerous txt's saying 'be there soon'.. When shannyn is sending you txt's like that you know she has more then likely not even left the house :P

I got bored and txt luke. Luke and I have become really good friends as time's gone by. He seriously means the world to me, the kid has a heart of gold and a personality not many others can beat. As my friend Joshwa said," Liam i think you get love and genuinely nice guys mixed up." I agree and this was probably the case with Luke. But never-the-less luke has put up with my bullshit and I have moved on from that stage. Back to my story though..

I txt'd him to keep me occupied and see how he was going. I feel for the kid, he seems to be stuck in Pinjarra alot. There is alot of restraint on when and how he goes out. When i get my license it will be different though. I ended up getting bored and carving our names into the road beneath me with a pebble i found.

'Luke :)' and 'Liam ;)' i also tried doing a whole parking bay in squiggles until a 4WD rolled up.. it was security.. a lady at that. the sad thing was she was more tank then a checkpoint in IRAQ.

Security Lady: 'Having a draw are we?' she said ever so confidently

Me: 'yeah sorry.. i am bored i have been waiting here for hours.. im using a brick piece though so it will come off easy'

Security Lady: 'mmm'

Me: 'and there are no swearwords, if that matters'

Security Lady: 'No problems.. just dont let me see you doing it again ok :)'

Me: 'Ok sorry bout that'

I got sand and put it on the road.. the sand scratches off the carvings when you rub it against it.. i thought i would do the right thing and clean it up. i took a photo on my phone first though.


I had finally got picked up with shannyn and caught up on all the goss.. Her and david, how annoying the people at my old school are, how annoying these new bands are.. it was good. I feel like i have ignored my old friends now that i have been hanging around with Luke so much. I honestly dont want to, but its just the way things are at the moment. We stopped in the city. I was going to look for a gift to get luke for his Birthday, but all the shops were steadily closing. I just managed to get into boost. I have an idea of what to get him anyway.

We get to The Cure.. it was soo fucking cold im suprised i still have my 'appendages' left.. I was told i owuldn't need a jumper as it would be hot when we get inside.. they were right. the lighting was amazing. you could tell alot of effort went into the show. You could hear them doing a sound check a couple of hours before the gig. We were 2 rows from the barrier. You could feel the atmosphere rising. We were standing behind a stuck up UNI whore.. She happened to know everything about everything, like teenagers do i guess.

'I have only seen the Cure 5 times.. Robert Smiths mum remembers me.. i tried hugging him once he wasn't happy.. he has a personality dissorder..'

she kept talking to us like we honestly gave 2 shits. If there was a surge in the crowd i would of taken great pride in knowing she would of been one of the first to die from asphixiation. Thats a horrible thing to say but she gave away everything for us. She knew the setlist better then 'The Cure' did.. I had a moment during 'if only we could sleep tonight..' His vocals were amazing.. the backdrop was filled with psychadelic colours and the lighting was beautiful.. it was one of them moments were you stare in amazment by how great these people really are. I was dissapointed i didn't get to hear 'more then this'. The Uni whore told me they wouldn't play it. She was right about something. I went back to shannyns house after 4 and a half hours of constant standing.. i fell asleep on the 2 seater under a doggy quilt while shannyn was on msn..





'If Only we could sleep tonight' - The Cure

Worst I Have Ever Been...

It's fucked.. thats the simplest way i can describe it..

I went out Tuesday.. Got drunk with old friends from Leeming.. It was great. The drinks were flowing the conversation was excellent and there was drama near the end which sparked even more conversation. That night was the first night i had ever tried Weed in my life as well. I had been drinking Goon and Solo before it. It didn't really effect me that much. I didnt feel any better, i didn't feel any worst. I was just.. I crashed at my friend Sarah's and awaited the long bus trip home.. There was no way i was going to work. I felt fairly ill. I caught my bus home to fall asleep and be woken by my phone ringing. This is somewhat still unfamiliar to me :P

It was luke.. He never usually calls me so i was wondering what was going on. He asked me if i wanted to go out that night and get drunk at Players. I had work that night but was already ill. I didn't wanna say no.. infact i was delighted he wanted to actually hang out.

OK im going to stop.. I cant even talk about this anymore.. It was a fucking good night.. I loved everybit of it.. i remember somebits of the night but the rest is all blank to me. I woke up thursday next to luke as he stayed at mine. I relised i had SWL and totally forgot i had to be at guitar world at 9:30pm. I got soo fucked the night before it wasn't even funny to me. I fucking paniced big time. I could just vaguely remember some parts of the night. It scared me.. I am usually so in control of myself when i drink.. but this night was different i let my tongue loose and held nothing back..

I now remember getting jealous when my m8 hooke dup with someone.. I feel so stupid for it.. I want him to be happy with what he does not look out for me and what i want. Im so selfish like that.. My last 2 days have been filled with SLeeping, crying and trying to talk to them properly.. I dont wanna sound clingy, or as if i'm looking for attention i just wanna know whats going on. I haven't been myself.. I cant even be myself anymore.. Im always looking out and being parnoid with what i do. I am thinking it is a side effect of the Weed i had smoked on tuesday but im not even sure anymore..

Im having people around soon.. I dunno if i want to. It will just end in tears i fucking know it. i will end up sleeping alone while watching the other couples cuddling. I fucking hate the way things are at the moment.. I take everything for granted.. I just wanna go back to what i used to fucking be.. i know this is making no sense to anyone readin this.. i dont want to give away to much.. for everyones sake.. but its alot more fucked then another teenage crying over spilt milk.. i promise

'such imagination seems to help the feeling slide' - Placebo